Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2009-01-19 08:41:19 (UTC)

Female Nocturnal Orgasm

I consider myself to be a sexual being (humans are by
nature). I enjoy sex and I'm by no means in the dark about
the birds and the bees, but there are still a few things I
don't know. I learned something new today and as it is
with many things, experience is the best teacher :) I know
about nocturnal emission in males. Everybody does, but I'd
never heard of female nocturnal orgasm. I guess I'd never
really given the subject much thought and I wouldn't be
thinking about it now if I hadn't had one this morning.

It was that period of sleep after deep sleep, but before
waking. I was having a lovely dream about Snookums. I
don't remember exactly what it was about, but I remember
it was good. That's when it happened. It wasn't that great
actually. Not like real sex where there's a build up to it
and you can feel it coming (pardon the pun), it was more
like that falling dream everyone has at some point. I'm
asleep, dreaming, then it happens and I'm awake wondering
what just happened. My body liked it, but my mind was
confused and felt rudely awakened. That made me a little
irritable. I'm not a morning person as it is, so to be
rudely awakened by my body's selfish need for sexual
stimulation was annoying to say the least. If I want an
orgasm, I'd rather initiate it myself on my own terms,
when I want to. Instead of a neurological impulse
somewhere in the depths of my brain deciding that 7am is a
good time.

My plan of attack for getting through sexual deprivation
this deployment was to just not think about it. It sounds
irrational, but if I keep myself busy I think it's
possible. I went 4 years without sex. From the time I got
pregnant with Annie to when I met Snookums. I didn't date
anyone and I'd managed to fend off my stepfather
permanently at that point and while the circumstances
behind all that were a lot different than they are now,
the fact of the matter remains; I didn't have sex for 4
years and I didn't die. Why is it I've only gone a week
without my husband's touch and my body is already setting
charges off in my pants without my knowledge? I think it's
withdrawals. I have to make a choice. Am I going to
embrace masturbation (I'm not entirely comfortable with
this choice) or am I going to put sex out of my head for
the next 6 months? There are no other options. Not this
time or ever again. I promised. A friend of mine (who also
happens to be a Navy wife) says I should get a toy. I
wouldn't even know what to get, there's so many options,
but by month 3 I'll probably be more open to the idea.

2 out of 4 cousins accepted my friend requests. I'm
surprised. The other two haven't logged on recently, so
I'm still holding out a little hope. Marina (the youngest)
is surprisingly eloquent for her age (17) and seems to
know a lot about what happened, even though she was a
little older than Annie's current age when it happened.
That would suggest that they've talked about me recently.
Tony accepted my request, but didn't say anything to me.
We were close growing up, but he got very angry with me
when I got pregnant with Annie and it was never the same
between us. We haven't really talked in about 10 years,
even though it's only been 6 years since I saw him last.
Part of me is intrigued and ready to grasp at the
opportunity to reconnect with my cousins. Another part of
me is wondering if I've opened Pandora's box. Do they
belong in the past or is it okay to bring them into the
future? Snookums wouldn't approve of me contacting them
(he worries I'll get hurt and he could be right), but I
have to see.

I didn't accomplish anything today. In fact, I sat on my
butt and did a whole lot of nothing. There are so many
things I could be doing around the house, but what's the
rush? I've got nothing but time on my hands. I can sit
back and relax when the urge strikes and nothing bad is
going to happen. At times I'm too tightly wound. I put too
much pressure on myself to be extraordinary when there's
no laws that say I have to by anything other than ordinary
me. Ciao.




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