Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-11-25 00:22:25 (UTC)

Ever-Present and Always Frank

I'm not entirely sure what I want to write about, but I
feel like writing today. I suppose I'll take a few moments
and see what comes to mind...... Okay, here we go......

I had coffee with Gen this morning. My ever-present and
always frank sounding-board. I shared with her how I'm not
feeling as good about writing here as I once did and how I
was thinking of not writing anymore - seriously thinking
of not writing or maybe moving my diary somewhere else.
She pointed out the real reason why I'm not feeling it
anymore (which I'm not at liberty to discuss for reasons
I'm not willing to discuss). I have to accept that there
are people and things in this life that I can't control
and I'd be a fool to let them control me. So, I'm going to
keep living as I do, doing as I do and enjoying myself
along the way. The old adage "you can't please everyone
all the time" is true and I must accept that it applies to
me as well. I don't strive to make enemies, but people
aren't always going to like me. I'm working on myself
daily to be a better, more tolerant, understanding person.
However, if there are people in the world that don't see
that or don't reciprocate the tolerance I try to show
them, I can't control that (or them) and I shouldn't be
hurt if they don't like me. Back when I was a bitch and
didn't give a shit if you or anyone else liked me, I
didn't feel hurt by people's negative feelings towards me.
Now that I'm an all-around nicer person, I think I've
created a vulnerability in my character. I WANT to be
liked. I find myself doing nice thinks and saying nice
things and putting myself out there when normally I
wouldn't look or think twice about anyone. Damn. I kind of
liked being a callous bitch...

Snookums has been home for 3 days now and things are
starting to settling into it's usual routine. I try not to
change things drastically around his comings and goings.
It's easier for him to adapt to our routine (mine and the
children's') than it is for the children to adapt to his
routine. Not to mention nothing is routine about being in
the Navy. Round-the-clock watches, long unpredictable
hours. Snookums is adjusting nicely, though. It does get
tiring that we have to go through this all the time. Just
as things settle into a predictable rhythm, he leaves
again and we have to start over. I'm biding my time until
shore duty. Only one more deployment to go!

Having Snookums here is such a relief. I hadn't fully
realized all I was doing until now. The laundry is done,
but I haven't touched it. The kitchen is clean, but my
hands aren't dry (I hate dish water). Keenan is being
entertained while I write. Mommy needed a break and
finally I'm getting it! Of course, there's no way I'm
getting out of making dinner :) Ciao.




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