Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-11-19 07:22:40 (UTC)

Insane With Anticipation

Over the past few days I've kind of had a shift in
thinking. I'm starting to rethink the need for this diary.
I've always been one of those people that only need to
vent when things are bad. There's very little therapy in
writing about the good times. Now that life has taken on a
more stable, harmonious tone, I don't feel the need to
write anymore. In fact, some nights it's almost a chore to
stop what I'm doing to write about how good I feel. It's
enough to just feel good. However, I can think of at least
three reasons why I'm still writing:

1) Habit ~ I'm so accustomed to it, I don't think I would
be able to go very long without the desire to write. I
think a lot and I don't always have someone to talk to.
Writing is an escape for the backlog of thoughts that
fills my head when Snookums isn't here to talk to. Or when
he loses his dictionary and doesn't get what I'm saying :)
His words, not mine.

2) Tradition ~ I've been doing this for so long, it would
be a shame to stop now :)

3) People ~ I've met some really great and interesting
people through my-diary and I've been asked on numerous
occasions not to stop writing. Not that they in and of
themselves would be the sole reason I keep writing, but
it's a factor. Aside from a handful of people I wish
didn't read my diary, I like getting feedback and hearing
other people's views on topics I write about. Even on the
days I don't leave the house, I'm still connected to the
outside world. The most popular diaries list was updated
yesterday and I'm on it again. It's not a Pulitzer Prize
or anything, but it's still flattering. Thanks to those
out there in cyberspace who take the time to read this :)
To make a long story short, I'll still write. I can't
promise I'll always write, but for now I'm not ready to
give it up.

I tried to do too much yesterday. I accomplished
everything I set out to (and then some), but by the end of
the day I was totally drained and got one of those tired
headaches around 7:30pm. It's a rare occasion when I go to
bed the same time the kids do, but I did last night.

Today was a quiet, relaxed day. A stark contrast to
yesterday. I didn't go anywhere, I didn't do anything. I
just rested and enjoyed being at home. Being the sole
parent of three children is no joke. It can take it out of
you, but on days like today when I can sit back and really
evaluate the path my life has taken, I feel
extraordinarily fortunate. My life is amazing. Despite all
the sharp twists and turns it's taken, things are looking
pretty good right now :)

Snookums comes home on Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even explain how excited I am! I'm weird like
that. Of course I miss Snookums the whole time he's gone,
but the first and last weeks are always the hardest. The
first week I'm devastated and the last week drives me
insane with anticipation. All day, every moment my mind
wasn't occupied with an active thought, his homecoming
came to mind. Yesterday I bought his welcome home gift and
my welcome home outfit. It's our tradition. I always dress
up and he's always got something waiting for him at home.
I always have new bottles of his favorite toiletries, new
underwear and pajamas laid out for him. One of the first
things he wants to do when he comes home is "wash the ship
off". The ship recycles sea water for it's own use and
it's very harsh on the skin. Then there's the perpetual
scent of jet fuel. It takes several washes to get the
scent out of his hair and clothes. I don't know. I kind of
like the ship smell. It means he's home.

I found the perfect outfit and it was meant to be, because
it only took me one trip to the fitting room and one store
to find it. I got a black halter dress, knee high boots
and an amazing purple plaid jacket (you'd have to see it).
It's a reinterpretation on my usual solid black pea coat.
It's cute. I still suffer from body dysmorphia a little. I
took clothes into the fitting room that were simply too
big. I consider myself fortunate that the dress I ended up
loving happened to have been in the wrong section and
wasn't a 12/14 like the rest of the ones I'd picked out. I
don't know why I can't see myself for what I am sometimes,
but Rome wasn't built in a day and I'm not going to be a
totally well-adjusted person in one, either. Progress not
perfection.

I'm starting to develop another one of those headaches.
Ciao and goodnight.




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