Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-11-14 07:23:49 (UTC)

Point Blank

*****

I'm thoroughly exhausted, but I had a great day (which is
why I'm exhausted). I was on the go from start to finish,
all day and finally the end is here. It's almost time for
bed.

Snookums sent me an e-mail back in response to the one I
sent him (about having the vasectomy done next week). He's
decided to go to the consult he's got scheduled for
Saturday (I wish my doctor had Saturday appointments), but
wait to schedule the procedure until after he's deployed
next January. That way he has time to truly think about it
(although I'm certain his mind is made up if he took the
initiative to schedule the appointment) and so it doesn't
put a cramp in our sex life. The doctor told him he had to
abstain for two weeks after the procedure and that would
mean a week and a half at home with me with no nookie. He
didn't like that idea and I told him I'd stick to it. He
tried to get me to cave in when Keenan was two weeks old
and I certainly wasn't having that (and neither was my
vagina)! He hates to be told no, but I'm not going against
doctor's orders (unless they're utterly stupid orders,
which happens once in awhile). The more I think about it,
the more okay I am with it. I know there may come a day
when I get those warm, fuzzy, want-a-baby feelings, but
having another baby isn't in my best interest or my
family's. We've got enough children and I need to accept
that. Point blank. My goal now should be to focus on
raising and taking care of the ones I have. There's more
to parenting than pregnancy and childbirth.

I had a little spa day with a couple of my co-workers.
Selena (who used to babysit for me) and Rebecca (the new
co-manager, who took Jenny's place when she left). It was
so much fun. Never has getting an overpriced mani/pedi
been more enjoyable. $65 I spent. I've never spent that
much on my nails before, but the salon was beautiful and
it was lovely being with adults outside of the work
environment. I'd do it again next week if given half a
chance, but I probably won't. I'm far too practical for
such frivolities :) Not.

I spent a better part of the day at the spa and since I
had to work tonight I didn't have much time at home. I got
the place cleaned up, threw in a load of laundry and got
ready for work. So, no sitting around today. Which is
fine. That was starting to get old.

Work was fabulous as usual. I had a pretty big sale early
into my shift. 5 bras (at $50 a pop) and 6 pairs of
panties ($10 a pair). Nice. It's too bad we don't make
commission on top of our base pay. I'm not in it for the
money, but I'm not allergic to money, either! I worked
with Tamara tonight, which was strange. She doesn't
usually close, but Alicia called out sick and no other CSL
was willing or able to work it. Working with Tamara always
takes me back to the old days when I used to devote my
days to VS. I miss working full-time, but I love being
with the kids more. You got to keep your priorities right.
I'll have plenty of years to work, but my babies won't be
babies for much longer. I keep telling myself that.

Tamara commented on my weight loss. Everybody else sees me
on a regular basis and no one has mentioned it. It's not
obvious that I've dropped some weight, but I haven't seen
Tamara in over a month. So, she noticed. I don't need
others to see the difference I can feel the difference and
I'm 1000 times better for it. I've still got a little ways
to go to reach my happy-at-this-weight-for-life goal, but
I'm steadily getting there. I'm not taking drastic
measures or putting my health at risk. I'm just being
healthy.

Tonight as I was going about my duties at work, I couldn't
help but feel great. FINALLY for the first time in almost
two years, I feel like ME again. Last year was so hard. I
think I underestimated how hard it would be to have
Snookums gone for so long. My transgressions still weigh
heavily on me. I don't know how Snookums forgave me so
easily when I'm still having a hard time forgiving myself.
Then, this year I was pregnant and that takes a huge
physical and emotional toll on a person. Keenan will be 5
months old in a few days (I can't believe how the time has
flown by) and I'm starting to feel like my old self. The
old self I'd discovered and was starting to cultivate into
the person I want to be. Before I somehow went off the
deep end there for a bit. It's so much more than the
renewed self-confidence of losing weight or the flush of
hormones out of my system, but maybe those things made the
difference. I don't know and I don't really care. I feel
great and I'm so happy! Happy, happy, happy! Ciao!




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