Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-09-30 05:29:10 (UTC)

By Three Degrees

****

Finally, a day that was a slight variation on the norm. It
didn't start out that way. I thought it was going to be
more of the same-old, same-old. Which would have been
fine, but having some variety in life is always a good
thing.

I procrastinated horribly all day. I want to get my house
back into a state of near perfection, but the fact of the
matter is I'm not a huge fan of cleaning. I just love
clean. I never got into the cleaning spirit. It didn't
help that Keenan was in a very needy mood for most of the
day.

I don't know what was wrong, but Keenan wouldn't stop
crying. He wasn't constantly crying, but he was crying
much more than he normally does. I couldn't put him down
or walk out of his sight. He'd even whimper while nursing.
I held him so he could sleep more peacefully, but he still
woke up crying even then. It was a shrill cry, out of the
blue. Not the usual complaintive wail he lets out if I
don't feed him as soon as I know he's hungry. As a last
resort I gave him some baby Tylenol and within 15 minutes
he was asleep and stayed that way for about 3 hours. I
hope he isn't teething yet. Nipples teeth = OUCH. I'm
not ready for that.

I got a call this afternoon from the local Girl Scout
coordinator. Annie signed up for Girl Scouts last week,
but hadn't been assigned a troop yet. Unfortunately the
Jackson Park troop is too big, so she was put in a
Bremerton troop that meets at St. Luke Methodist church
Monday nights. I was a little peeved that instead of
walking her to the community center down the street, I now
have to drive her 10 miles into a not-so-nice part of
town, but if it's what she wants then I'm willing to make
that sacrifice. There was a bright spot to her troop
assignment. Turns out the troop leader is one of the care
providers Annie loved when she was in daycare. Ms.
Margaret. I felt better about leaving her there with
someone I know. Especially since there was an Alcoholic's
Anonymous meeting going on in the conference room next
door. Why couldn't they schedule Girl Scouts and AA on
separate days? There was some shady-looking people in that
group. Not to be judgemental, but this is my child we're
talking about and you certainly can't feel secure just
because this happens to be in a church. Some of the most
horrendous things happen in churches or by people that
frequent them (like my step-father. Deacon and "brother"
to all).

While Annie was at Girl Scouts, I took Kiki down to
Evergreen Park to play at the playground. While I was
there I ran into an old friend of my mother's. Dee Dee. Me
and her children practically grew up together. I haven't
seen them in forever. It was nice catching up. We
exchanged numbers and hopefully we'll get together some
time. Unlike some other friends of my mother's that don't
speak to me or pretend they don't see me when our paths
cross, Dee Dee was quick to remind me that what happened
wasn't my fault and my mother was wrong for putting my
step-father before me. I appreciate her telling me that,
but I already know. In no way, shape or form could anyone
convince me that what happened was my fault. I was just a
child!

Dee Dee's son told her that he thought he saw my mother a
few months ago. Which I found surprising, because no one
really knows where she is. My father and I tracked her
down, but never told anyone our findings. So, I was
curious to hear where this sighting had occurred. She said
Federal Way. Crazy. That's her last known address,
alright. Federal Way. So, she's still alive. It's sad that
I didn't even know if my own mother was dead or alive
until, by three degrees of separation, someone else had to
tell me. I'll never understand why my mother doesn't want
anything to do with me or her grandchildren. I never held
her responsible for what happened. I even forgave her for
wanting to stay with my step-father. It's her life and I
don't expect her loyalty (although it would have been
nice).

Well, I managed to write before 1am tonight (in fact, it's
only 10:30pm). My plan is to actually get some decent
sleep tonight. I've been staying up late, getting up early
and not being a very happy camper about it. I desperately
need to get myself on a schedule. How can I be so diligent
with my children but so lax with myself? I need structure
just as much as they do. Ciao.




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