Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-09-29 08:03:02 (UTC)

The Cyber Gods

****

I'm not in the mood to write. I've been feeling that way a
lot lately and it worries me. When I started this diary I
never thought I'd be writing in it this long. On and off
through-out my childhood I started and stopped diaries. I
figured this would be the same thing. Something that held
my attention and served as an outlet during a time when I
needed to vent, but eventually I'd abandon it. Yet, here I
am. Still writing. I think it's been a great thing for me.
I'm more open with my diary than I have been with any
psychiatrist, counselor, victim's advocate or therapist.
All the trauma I've been through seemed like such a
lighter burden to carry after I wrote about it. I
sacrificed it to the cyber gods. I released it into the
dark abyss that is the internet. I freed myself of the
oppressive baggage I'd been lugging around for years. Now
that things are going so well for me, do I really need to
keep writing? Maybe not, but my diary is an integral part
of my life now. It would take a lot to make me give it up.

Now, on a totally different topic, I need to gripe. Keenan
and I have a wonderful nursing relationship, but I have
one complaint. My body isn't adjusting my milk supply to
Keenan's needs. I make way too much. Why is it that Keenan
sleeps 8-10 hours every night, but my body hasn't gotten
the message? I wake up soaked and near bursting every
morning. Like now. Keenan went to bed at 10pm, it's almost
1am and I'm full. There's no way I'll make it until 8am.
I'm going to have to pump. I suppose it isn't such a bad
thing. I can put it in the freezer for when I'm at work or
if I go out, but I don't need to pump every day. I suppose
I should be grateful. After the struggle I had with Kiki
it's wonderful to have an easy time with Keenan.

Today was pretty much the same as yesterday, so there's no
point in retelling the same tale. I need to get to bed. I
have to get up as soon as Kiki does. She's still being a
little bad ass. This morning she dumped a 3/4 full box of
Lucky Charms in the middle of the living room, spread it
around and dumped milk on it. Do you know how hard it is
to get milk out of carpet? She got ahold of Annie's
library books and colored in them. Then this afternoon she
flooded my bathroom while taking a bath and emptied my
entire bottle of conditioner into the tub. It's like she's
regressing back to infancy. All of these things she did
while I was feeding Keenan. When she knew I was vulnerable
and couldn't follow her around the house to see what she
was up to. She's never been this bad when Snookums left
before. I hope she gets through this soon.

Okay, sleep beckons. I need to go to bed so I can be on my
toes tomorrow. Ciao.




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