Maelstrom143, By Sun or Candlelight
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2008-09-01 22:33:54 (UTC)

Too many brands in the fire

Haven't posted in a while. I started going back to the
gym. I miss lifting and body building in general; miss my
buddies and workout sessions...funny how I was never
romantically attracted to those I worked out with and hung
out with. Thank goodness. Keeps things simple.
Life here has been rough. Family member getting worse. She
is now under Hospice care in her home. I am/was her
primary caregiver, but due to differences with her
daughter, I begged off...will meet with her later this
week to iron out a schedule that will allow me to return
to work and to care for my sons appropriately. I do not
mind the care, I love our family member dearly and enjoy
the time we spend together, but the bullshit and red tape
and family crap...I just never had the patience for it. I
would rather just up and leave. No one matters enough for
me to put up with human crap, or so I thought. Anyway,
life has been a maelstrom of activity and fatigue and
anger and guilt. My poor sons are forever playing second
fiddle to work and family and they are so wonderful and
patient. I really love those little guys. I am not sure
what life would be like without them. They truly love and
give of themselves even when I am a total piece of work,
you know? I hope whoever they end up loving appreciates
how wonderful they are...I hope when they grow up they
remain as wonderful as they are now, in spite of life's
little disappointments.
I had a heartbreaking week, but I do not want to talk
about it right now. It still hurts some and I think it
will for a long time, so I will wait until I can think
unemotionally about it.