Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-08-06 06:28:01 (UTC)

Blithering Ninny

I'm such a blithering ninny, a sappy mess of a mother. I
just got home from work. I had no problems leaving Keenan,
in fact I left a little later than I'd intended to and
didn't even stop to say goodbye to him (he was asleep). I
had a great evening at work. I fell right back into the
routine of things, remembered how to do a bra-fitting, use
the registers (even a few complex exchanges and returns. A
manual tax over-ride) even got a credit card. While I was
there everything was fine and dandy. I called home on my
break just to check in, but I wasn't upset or anxious to
get home. I was pretty sure Keenan was fine with daddy. I
didn't have any issues at all...until I got home.

All evening, all I could think about was my breasts. I
didn't bring my pump because I thought I wouldn't need it.
I didn't think 5 hours without nursing would be that long
considering I go 7-8 hours every night without much
problem. I mean, I'm full by morning, but not painfully
so. Yeah, it's safe to say I'm NEVER going to work without
my pump again. I thought my breasts were going to EXPLODE.
By the time I got home they were throbbing and I could
barely put my purse down before I scooped Keenan up to
feed. It hurt pretty bad. It was like engorgement all over
again. Considering everybody at work has had their baby
now (from the old crew. There are two new girls who are
pregnant, but I don't know them yet) I won't be the only
one pumping in the back room.

I was proud of myself for being able to leave Keenan
without making a scene. Instead it turns out I'm just ass
backwards and started crying when I got home! How insane
is that? I held him close, breathed in his smell, rubbed
his fuzzy little head and cried like a sniveling little
baby. It was pretty pathetic. Snookums just looked at me
dumbfounded. Like I'd just grown a second head. I'm sure
it didn't make any sense to him, either. I hate that I'm
such a hormonal mess. How much longer is this going to
keep going on? My husband doesn't know whether to laugh at
me or comfort me. So he's opted for staring.

I'm going to bed now. Keenan is fed (very well I might
add) and Snookums has already retired to the bedroom
without me. I hadn't planned on writing, but the end of my
day just isn't the same if I don't. Ciao and goodnight.




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