Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-08-05 04:18:35 (UTC)

I'm A Mess

***

What a funky day. Nothing bad happened to make me sad or
upset, but that's how I've felt all day. My hormones are
so messed up I can practically feel them rushing through
my body. One minute I'm fine, the next minute I'm stifling
back tears or ripping someone a new asshole. I'm a mess.
I'm surprised my family hasn't had me committed. It's not
like this behavior is new for me. My moods are more
unpredictable than Washington state's weather and have
been for about a year now (all the months of pregnancy
plus the firestorm that is the postpartum period). Someone
shoot me.

I got nothing done today. I had the best intentions. I was
going to clean, do laundry, go grocery shopping, the
works. Instead, I slumped into a lifeless lump in the
middle of the couch and watched as the girls ran circles
around me. Literally, they ran in circles until Snookums
arrived home and put them in their places. He managed to
get things under control for me, while I sat in bed and
cried. Pretty pathetic, huh?

While Snookums handled things at home I decided to
accomplish something by going grocery shopping. I had my
coupons clipped and organized. I knew what I needed and
wanted. It shouldn't have taken me more than an hour.
Unfortunately it didn't work out that way. Keenan screamed
the entire time. The Commissary is usually freezing cold,
but something was wrong with their air conditioning, so
instead it was as hot as the depths of hell. Keenan was
burning up in his sling, so I had to take him out so he'd
stop crying (and cool down). That worked somewhat, but
that left me with only one hand to shop and push the cart
with. I'm still wondering how I did it, but I did. Because
what choice did I have? I forgot a bunch of stuff, but I
made it out of there alive. I'll have to go back another
day to get the stuff I forgot.

Physically, I'm doing better. My mystery bleeding has
slowed to a trickle. I'm not getting my hopes up that it
will stop. I'm just glad it isn't alarmingly heavy and I'm
not in any pain. I bled a long time after Annie was born,
too. So, this isn't new for me.

I need a shower. I'm exhausted and sticky. I'm looking
forward to bedtime. I know Snookums will be happy about
that. He's always fighting to get me to bed at a decent
hour. Tonight it won't be a problem. Ciao.




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