Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-07-27 06:01:55 (UTC)

Emotional Suicide

****

There are two things a woman should never watch when
hormonal, depressed or in any other way emotionally
challenged... Lifetime and Hallmark. These two channels
are emotional suicide. If you do decide to watch a movie
marathon of sappy made-for-tv love stories (like I did
today) make sure you've got a big box of tissues handy.

I woke up in a funk. It started last night and carried
over into today. I know exactly what caused it, too.
Disappointment. Plain and simple. Snookums and I have been
promising to spend time together after all the kids are
asleep (including Keenan, who has been sleeping through
most nights consistently now), but it just isn't
happening. It's not about sex (which we haven't had and
I'm totally okay with that). Not at all. All I really want
is some time alone with him. Yesterday he promised he'd
spend that time with me. We'd have a chance to spoon and
talk and maybe do something else if the occasion should
arise (that was kind of a pun, sorry). It never happened,
though. After I wrote, Keenan had his last feeding of the
day, then I went back to the bedroom where Snookums was
supposedly watching tv. He wasn't watching anything but
the insides of his eyelids. He was passed out cold. This
is how it is every night. For once I'd like to have some
adult time after the kids are asleep. I accept it during
the week because I know Snookums has to get up very early
for work, but Friday and Saturday nights shouldn't be a
problem. He's promised me tonight he'll spend some time
with me. I'm holding him to it, too. Even if it means I
have to prop his eyelids open with toothpicks!

So back to today. Snookums took his mother to see the
ship. There is such a huge difference between Helena and
Sue. It's sad. Helena is 60, Sue is 58. But they are like
night and day. Helena went to visit the ship a few visits
back and made it up all the ladders to see where Snookums
works (the bridge, where they steer the ship), which is 9
or 10 ladders up. Sue only made it up 5 of them. Sad.
You'd think after having both hips replaced she'd be able
to climb pretty well, but the woman can barely walk. Shoot
me if I end up like that. Unfortunately, I think it's a
glimpse into Snookums future. He's 31 and already
complaining about his knees. He's built just like his
mother, too. His dad is broader through the chest and not
quite as tall. Sue is an Amazon woman. Over 6'.

While Snookums and Sue were away was when I partook of my
Hallmark movie binge. I watched 3 sappy westerns before I
couldn't take anymore. By then Snookums and Sue were home,
so I closed myself up in the bedroom. I just needed to get
away. The house seemed so loud and chaotic once everybody
came home. Annie spent the day outside with friends, Kiki
took a long nap. It was just me and Hallmark for a good
while, then an explosion of activity. I wasn't feeling up
to it at all.

If I want that alone time I was complaining about not
getting I should get off of here. Keenan just went to
sleep and Snookums is sitting on the couch waiting for me
to finish. He looks sleepy, so I'd better not push my
luck. Ciao.




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