Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Anything and Nothing
****
I'm so bored and restless I almost want to cry about it.
That isn't saying much though. I could cry about anything
and nothing at the drop of a hat. I'm still very
emotional. I don't know how much longer this is to be
expected or if it's mild depression. I was hopelessly
depressed with both Annie and Kiki by this point. I'm
feeling much better than I did after having them. If I
have to endure a little weepiness for awhile, I'm okay
with that.
Back to my boredom. I'm starting to wonder what I should
do with myself. There's no laundry to be done, the house
is clean, the baby is sleeping. Annie is out running the
neighborhood (with the little clan she formed out of kids
she met on adjacent streets), Kiki and Snookums are eating
Doritos and watching tv. I'm going stir-crazy! Yesterday I
tried to do crossword puzzles, but eventually I got tired
of them. Today I tried to crochet, but it's too warm to
crochet. That's an activity better suited to the cooler
months. I'll be glad when I get the all-clear from my
doctor to exercise again. I'm starting to feel that itch
to get back down to my fighting weight. I'm so soft and
out of shape. I'm tired of jiggling when I move. Exercise
will be a good way to use up my spare time. Yes, even I
the anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive mother of three
STILL has spare time. It is possible if you keep your life
as structured as I do.
Since Keenan was born, I haven't given a whole lot of
thought or concern to what I'm eating. I'm trying to eat a
well-rounded diet (because I feel it's important to eat
well while nursing), but I know I'm eating more than I
should. The problem for me is weight loss. I desperately
want to lose weight, but I don't really know how to do
that without being very aggressive about it. I've had
exceptional weight-loss success in the past with strict,
low calorie diets accompanied with a lot of exercise, but
I can't do that now. When Kiki was very young and I
started trying to lose weight that way, my milk supply
took a huge hit. I pretty much cut my milk supply in half
within a week of cutting calories. I don't want to do that
this time around. I just don't know how to lose weight
conservatively. How many calories should I eat? How much
exercise is just right? I asked my doctor, Naval
Hospital's lactation consultant. A host of different
websites. EVERYONE has a different idea as to how much I
should be eating (I got a huge range between 1800-2600
calories) and there is no precedence as to how much
exercise is okay. I guess trial and error is the only
option. I'll gradually reduce my caloric intake, keep my
exercise moderate and see what happens. Keenan will let me
know if he isn't getting enough.
Speaking of Keenan getting enough, I'm not at all worried
about that anymore. I know he's doing well. It seems like
every morning (after I haven't seen him in several hours)
when I go to pick him up, it looks like he's gotten
bigger. He's got a double chin now and two rolls in each
thigh. Even the tops of his feet are getting chubby. My
milk supply is ridiculous. In the morning after Keenan's
first feeding, I have to pump 3 oz out just to get rid of
that too-full feeling. All the angst I was experiencing
regarding me and Keenan's breastfeeding relationship has
dissipated. We've kind of gotten into a routine. I can
tell by my body when it's going to be time to feed again
(just a feeling I get, I can't explain it) and Keenan has
stopped cluster feeding (although when the colic sets in,
he does still like to be at the breast. It's a comfort for
him) so I don't feel like I'm constantly naked, feeding
him every hour. All is well on that front.
Snookums going back to work today was really a non-event.
He left a little before 5:30am and was home by 11am. I'd
hardly gotten up and started my day before he was home. I
don't know how long they'll be on Stennis hours (half
days), but it's nice having the flexibility of him being
home AND not at work 14-16 hours a day.
Life is pretty good right now. It isn't perfect, but show
me someone who's life is. It's still early in the evening.
When Keenan wakes up to eat (and Annie comes home) we're
going out for a walk as a family. It's going to look like
a troop of gypsies on the move (there's so many of us! But
it'll be nice getting out in the sun. Ciao.
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