Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-07-07 13:54:32 (UTC)

Detached

I think if any word one word could best describe how I'm
feeling these days, detached would be it. Life doesn't
feel like it used to. I feel like I'm struggling to find a
new sense of "normal". But, having a baby will do that.
Emotionally I'm still feeling very imbalanced. One minute
I'm very happy, the next I'm fighting back tears. I have
little to no desire to go anywhere or do anything
spontaneous. Staying home is just fine by me. It's all
reminiscent of 3 years ago after Kiki was born. Only in a
much milder form. There was no doubt I had postpartum
depression with Kiki. At the height of my delirium I
locked myself in the bathroom with a knife. I'm nowhere
near that point! Thank goodness. Just a little blue. This
is nothing in comparison to then. I think it has a lot to
do with how successful Keenan's birth was and how much
more knowledgeable I am about the condition. Knowledge is
power, after all.


I realized last night that I haven't left the house in 5
days. Not so much as one foot outside the door. Not even
to check the mail. My phone died who knows how long ago.
After Kiki spilled soda in my purse last month, the only
place I can charge it is in the car, so I went outside
late last evening to plug it in and realized "I
desperately need to get out of the house tomorrow". So,
we're taking a family outing today and that's what it is
when we leave the house now. An outing. I've heard people
say "anything over two, you hardly notice the difference".
Well, I'm here to tell you that isn't so. I can definitely
tell the difference. It isn't a bad difference (all the
time), but there is a distinct and palpable difference
between two and three kids. We don't just run out for a
second for anything. That more than likely is due to
having a newborn, not so much the number of kids. I've got
three, not a baseball team. It's still taking some getting
used to, though.

Keenan is doing great. He's a little chubbier every day.
His face is filling out, he's even got a little double
chin. There are rolls developing all over his body. I love
a fat baby! So, I think I'm doing a good job :) Last night
I put on the first onesie he ever wore. The one I put on
him after his first bath in the hospital. Three weeks ago
he was swimming in it, last night it fit him perfectly and
I wanted to cry. That's a sure sign my little baby is
growing up. He's a different baby each day. I don't want
him to grow up! He's my last baby and I want him to stay
little! I'm pretty sure there's no talking Snookums into a
fourth. He's already looking into getting a vasectomy.
We'll see if he has the balls to go through with that!

I'm starving. I should go eat breakfast. I need to get
this show on the road, too. Like I said, I'm getting out
of this house today and that requires some advanced
planning. Ciao.




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