Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-07-04 05:20:38 (UTC)

Blue

****

I don't like being right when it comes to things like
this, but just as I suspected, the blue feelings have
returned. The newness of Snookums' return has faded (not
that I'm not still happy he's home. That isn't it) and the
slight undertones of depression have seeped into my life
again. Thankfully, it's within normal limits and I'm not
feeling completely neurotic or anything like that. I'll
just be glad when it's over. Gone. Happy-happy-joy-joy all
the time! Yeah, right. That's asking a little too much.
Normal would be nice. That's all I'm really after.

After several hours of moderate crankiness last night,
Keenan took his bath, ate a couple more times and went
down peacefully for the night. He slept until 4am. Ate
again, then slept until 8am. It's still a little surreal
that he's sleeping through such a large chunk of the
night, because I thought Kiki was a dream, sleeping
through the night at 8 weeks. But, he's doing so well it's
amazing. He's been better today. Not much fussiness at
all, even though he's been awake and alert for several
hours. I'm lucky, what else can I say?

I kind of had a plan as to what I wanted to do today, but
it didn't happen. I wanted to get some housework done. The
kind of stuff that Snookums never seems to notice needs to
be done. Like vacuuming area rugs, sweeping corners,
wiping down counters. He tries to be helpful, but he's a
man and lacks the ability to notice the details. Well, I
didn't get to do any of those things because Keenan spent
most of the afternoon cluster feeding. It seems like he's
happiest at the breast and I can't really put him down for
any length of time before he starts to fuss. As soon as I
pick him up again he's fine. Or if I put him in his sling.
Is is a bad idea to wear him all the time? Will that make
him harder to deal with when he gets older and is too
heavy to wear? I don't know. Kiki was content in her swing
most of the time. Annie loved her bouncy seat. Keenan
wants his sling. It's amazing how siblings can be so
different.

I had an unexplained outbreak of tears tonight. Snookums
and I were sitting in the living room watching a very old
rerun of Grey's Anatomy. Keenan was nursing happily. I
don't know what happened. Nothing triggered the tears.
There wasn't anything sad on tv. Keenan wasn't doing
anything wrong. Snookums didn't say anything hurtful. I
just broke down. Snookums got that helpless look on his
face and just came over and held me until it passed. Then
he gave me a big bowl of cut watermelon and a glass of
iced tea. I appreciate his attempts at making me feel
better, but a snack is hardly going to make my sudden
bouts of depression go away. I love him for trying,
though.

Of course, Keenan is ready to eat. It's almost time for
him to go to bed. So, my shift is almost over. Ciao.




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