Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-06-12 05:57:12 (UTC)

I'm A Raving Lunatic

***

I feel a little more stable than I did last night. Thanks
to everyone that sent me kind words and didn't remind me
that I'm a raving lunatic and have been since I started
this diary :) Episodic Psychosis. It's got a certain ring
to it.

I spent about 80% of my day in my bedroom. Helena spent
about 80% of her day cleaning shit that didn't need to be
cleaned. I appreciate that. Tomorrow after she leaves I'll
spent about an hour putting things back the way they
belong. I can't find half of my dishes or clothes. I
suppose that's a small price to pay for not having to wash
them myself, though. I can't complain too much. I haven't
paid for anything but a pedicure in two weeks. Haven't
washed a stitch of clothing, or a dish. I haven't set foot
in the cat room, Annie's bathroom or bedroom. She's done
everything. Including cut the grass...twice. I'm going to
miss her. Not being with me 24/7, but being here to help.

Gen called me this morning and assured me that she'd help
me while I'm in the hospital. That takes quite a load off
my mind. Which frees up space for me to worry about other
things. Like if Keenan is healthy and if everything will
go well. I can't help but worry. If Kiki had been born
healthy I probably wouldn't be so concerned about it, but
since she was born with challenges, it makes me a little
more worried than maybe I should be. She didn't have any
genetic problems, so I shouldn't be so concerned that it
will happen again. Keenan is his own person and he has
just as much chance of being healthy as any other baby.
Even if things aren't going as planned right now. Okay, I
feel a little better now :)

I hadn't had any contractions today. Not really. Just a
few little tightenings. Of course now, I'm uncomfortably
tight and in pain, which makes me wonder if I'm going into
labor or if I'm just being tormented some more. I won't
get my hopes up. I've been having contractions off and on
for weeks now. Until I'm in a good amount of pain, I'll
assume I'm not.

I want to go take a bath, but Helena replaced the light
bulbs in my bathroom vanity and now it's so bright in my
bathroom that it feels like my retinas are getting burned
out. I think I'll take out 3 of the bulbs (there's 6 of
them). Soft lighting is more flattering, anyway :) Ciao.




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