Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-06-08 06:40:00 (UTC)

I'll Make It My Mantra

***

It can't be more than a 3 star day because I'm still
pregnant. Although I've accepted that this kid isn't
planning on evacuating any time soon, I'm nonetheless a
little uneasy about that. Yesterday, my doctor felt my
belly, mapping out with his hands the baby's outline and
started chuckling. "I think we've got a 10 pound baby
here, easily". A second doctor says possibly 11 pounds
while doing an ultrasound. You have NO idea how wrong I
want both of them to be. Imagine passing ANYTHING 11
pounds through an opening so small. Unmedicated at that! I
know that being unmedicated is a choice I could easily
change, but I had both of my girls that way, I feel like I
should be able to do it with my 3rd. I just can't let
myself get psyched out. Which I am, because each day he
isn't born, I'm getting more and more worked up about it!
Newborns are not supposed to be 11 pounds! I believe in my
body and there's nothing I can't handle...I'll keep
telling myself that. I'll make it my mantra.

While laying recumbent on the couch today, I watched Juno.
It was a good movie. I don't know why, but at the end when
she had the baby and gave it to Vanessa (Jennifer Garner),
I almost cried. I welled up a little. I felt a little
ridiculous about it, too. It wasn't a terribly touching
moment, but it involved the birth of an infant and
becoming a mother. I want that to happen to me! I'm SO
close, yet it seems so far away. Like, it's never going to
happen. The birth of an infant part. I'm already a mother.
Anytime now...

The plan today was to take the girls to see Kung Fu Panda
after Geek Squad fixed the computer. We were going to see
it last night, but I was tired and Helena vetoed it. So, I
checked the movie times and we were going to go this
evening. After an incredibly early dinner (around 3:30pm),
I fell asleep on the couch. We'd planned on seeing the
5:05pm showing in Poulsbo. I woke up at 4:15pm, changed my
clothes and went in search of everyone. The house was
empty, though. So, I waited. I checked the mail,
straightened up the living room. Finally, Helena and the
girls came home. At 5pm. Why? The last decision made was
to leave at 4:30pm to catch the 5:05pm showing. What
changed? Me falling asleep didn't necessarily mean I
didn't want to go! I want to take the girls before Keenan
is born, because I'm not taking a newborn to a loud movie,
but I think the girls would like to see it in theater.
Everything is better on a big screen. So, hopefully the
third time is the charm. We're going to catch either the
11:45am or 12:15pm showing tomorrow afternoon. Watch I go
into labor tonight, because I made plans for tomorrow. I'm
sure under the circumstances, the girls would understand.

I'm really wiped out. Tonight I hope I'm lucky in the
sleep department. I'll take a nice bath, then try to get
some decent rest. I don't want to fall asleep tomorrow and
have Helena decide not to let me go to the movies. I like
to take the girls to the movies once a month or so.
However often a good kid's movie comes along. I don't want
that to change because Keenan is coming. Ciao for now.




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