Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-06-05 05:53:06 (UTC)

Still No Baby

***

I'm tired, I'm worn out. I'm tired of this period in my
life. Albeit, it's a short time in my life. This waiting
game, but it's wearing on me and not helping my
disposition. I'm discouraged, disappointed, discontent,
displeased...pretty much any word that begins with dis-
would describe how I'm feeling right now.

I appreciate that Helena has taken time out of her life to
come here to be with me. I really do, don't get me wrong.
But her presence is driving me INSANE. She's constantly
asking me if I'm hungry, if I'm thirsty, if I need
anything. Today was the first day she didn't go to the
grocery store for something we didn't need. I'm left to
sit on the couch and watch tv all day because the daily
tasks I usually do to keep myself occupied, distracted,
entertained (whatever you want to call it) have been taken
away. I can't do dishes, laundry, sweeping, straightening
up. Nothing. I can't even give Kiki a bath, because Helena
jumps on everything, with her infinite supply of energy
and finishes it before I can even get myself hoisted up
off the couch. I'm going stir-crazy. I think it would be
easier to relinquish control of my house over to her if I
had Keenan here to tend to and my physical recuperation to
think about, but I'm not recovering at the moment. I need
to be doing stuff to keep myself busy, distracted from the
realization that one due date has passed and the next is
in less than 2 hours. I'm not even doing 10% of what I
usually do in a day, yet I'm expected to sit all day, nap
in the afternoon and go to bed at 9pm. Not happening.
Helena leaves in a week. I have to have this baby soon. Or
I won't even have her when I really do need her. I
seriously want to cry right now.

My next doctor's appointment is Friday at 2:55pm. Helena
has already said she wants to drive me to it. For some
reason, she seems to think pregnant women aren't supposed
to drive. Why? I couldn't tell you. She also said she's
got questions for my doctor. I don't know what gave her
the impression that I want her at my doctor's appointment,
but it isn't happening. If I don't want my oblivious 3
year old in the room while I get fingered up by the
doctor, I certainly don't want my mother-in-law! She's got
no business talking with my doctor and all she's going to
be allowed to do is sit in the waiting room and watch Kiki
while she plays with the sand table. It may hurt her
feelings, but I'm putting my foot down. I still have a
shred of dignity and I'm holding onto it.

I was lucky today that the rain let up long enough for us
to get out of the house. Helena and I took Kiki to the
park and we went for a too-short walk along the path by
the water. We couldn't have walked more than 500 feet
before she asked me if I was ready to go home. My idea of
a walk is measured in miles, not feet. Unless I'm looking
at a pedometer and counting 4 or 5 digit footstep counts
(which then break down into miles, duh). Of course, since
I exerted a modicum of energy, I was promptly sent to bed
for a nap that I didn't need. At least it was an
opportunity to watch a Baby Story (both c-sections, damn
wimpy woman) in peace. Helena took Annie to go get dinner
at Popeye's Chicken. She's a stubborn woman and even
though she has no idea how to get around Bremerton, she
still went for it. It took her over an hour to get there
and back. You've got to admire the determination and the
chicken was good.

Okay. I need to go now. I want to take a shower and relax
a little. I don't need the rest, but Helena has a penchant
for debate, so my days are full of why we shouldn't drill
for oil in Alaska, why Obama shouldn't pick Clinton as his
running mate, or why global warming actually does exist
even if you don't think it does. I may spend the day on my
ass, but she still manages to get my blood boiling with
her strong opinions and unwillingness to hear other
people's perspectives. Okay, I'm really going now. Ciao.

Oh yeah, still no baby.




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