Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-05-18 01:34:29 (UTC)

Try To Hold Onto That Feeling

****

This is a somewhat unusual time for me to be writing (it's
a little after 6pm), but I just felt like writing. So, I
am.

Last night, I was so tired I actually fell asleep at 10pm
when I went back to my bedroom. Unfortunately, which is
usually the case for me if I go to bed a decent time, I
didn't stay asleep. I woke up around midnight and didn't
fall back to sleep until almost 3am. That was still 2 more
hours of sleep then I generally get on any given day. So,
I can't really complain.

Getting up this morning was AGONY. I was so sore, so stiff
and in so much pain that after I fed the girls breakfast
and got them settled, I headed back to bed. Not to sleep,
but to prop up my legs and rest my pelvis. Good lord, I
felt like a baked chicken getting my drumsticks ripped
off! I stayed that way until a little after 3pm. By then
the girls were getting restless and so was I, so I got up
and attended to their needs. Which consisted mainly of
getting them away from each other. Kiki wanted a sandwich
and Annie needed to be directed back to her bedroom (which
she's been supposedly "cleaning" for the past 4 days).

Currently, Kiki is playing in the playroom all by herself,
which is major growth on her part. Annie put her Barbie
playhouse and dolls in there to get rid of some of the
clutter in her room and Kiki has taken to them like white
on rice. Because of her ADHD, Annie has a hard time with
structured play. Toys have never been a big focus for her.
Even when she was little, I couldn't get her to play with
anything the way it was intended to be played with. But,
Kiki can entertain herself with a stuffed animal for
hours. So, Barbie and all of her crap are a major turn-on.
Annie lost all of the tiny stuff ages ago. So, no shoes or
little stuff for Kiki to put in her mouth. Not that she
would. She's grown out of that phase. As she should have
by age 3.

It's freaking hot out today. The thermostat says it's 88
degrees in the living room. It doesn't feel that warm
though because there's an amazing cross breeze coming
through. It's lovely. I don't have a problem with the
heat. I enjoy the heat, but I love a nice breeze (as long
as it doesn't make me cold). The trees around the house
have grown leaves, which block most of the sun's harsh
rays. If this is any indication of what Summer is going to
be like here, then I'm okay with this. I was thinking of
putting the sprinkler out in the back yard for the girls
to run through, but I know the water is freezing coming
out the tap and there is that breeze going. Not to mention
the back yard is in shade this time of day. This is just
the first of many nice days to come this Summer. Plus,
Annie doesn't need to be rewarded for not listening to me.

I'm about ready to grab a box of garbage bags and do
Annie's annual purge just to be over with the fighting. It
seems like every year I have to go in and throw away
everything her pack-rat ass accumulates. I told Annie if
she didn't get it cleaned out, I'd give her room to Kiki
and she'd have a mattress on the play room floor. But, she
liked that idea too much (because it meant no work for
her), so I'm making her clean it. Even if it takes her a
month. She's not seeing the light of day until it's done.
I'm at a loss as to why she can't do ANYTHING I ask her to
do. Simple things like "turn off that light, please"
or "throw that piece of paper away". Nothing. I'm not
jaded enough to believe there's a medicine out there that
can make an ambivalent child listen. I'm stuck for the
next 9 years, at the very least. I don't understand why I
was the one that was wronged, yet I'm the one that's left
to struggle through this. My stepfather doesn't have to
deal with the repercussions of his actions. I do. Not that
I want his help parenting her. God no. I'm just slightly
bitter that he has no responsibility for her at all. Not
even a little child support so we can send her to a camp
this Summer. Which we're doing anyway, because we all need
a break. That's the end of my self-pitying, why-me
paragraph. Everyone needs their moment. That was mine.

I don't know if I'll write later or not. But, I need to be
going for now. Dinner needs to be served. I have to give
Kiki a bath and hose Annie down (which is what it's about
to come to, if she doesn't take a shower soon). Over-all
I'm feeling pretty good. I'm going to try to hold onto
that feeling. Ciao.




Ad: