rainy

My heart in a knot
2008-05-16 22:36:20 (UTC)

fustrated at work...

So sean has really been annoyed/pissed with me at work
lately... he really tries not to let it show.. but it does..
and it is causing me a great deal of stress. He avoids me
for one.... you see had we never got involved then he
wouldn't be avoiding me like this, he and I would still at
least be able to joke around... and I could still like him
and not feel guilty about it.

I really hate the way things are now...... I just feel a
deep passion for him but I can't express it... nor does he
want me to.. lately I've been using his pictures to make
things.. and I've written about him alot in public places...
he doesn't really like that.. but I have to express myself
and my feelings.

He just doesn't understand.. and that really hurts me. And
now the only way I can really talk to him is through email..
and not his personal email.. so if I say something private
about my feelings then he gets all upset like the last
time... I don't really want that... I just want to talk to
him... I mean really talk to him.... and express how I feel.

I know he doesn't feel the same way back but still.... I
just can't hide these feelings.....

oh and today at work he waved at me... it made me feel so
stupid... I mean it's the way he did it...he greeted me like
he had to...usually you just say "hey what's up" or
something like that to someone you know.. but he just put on
a half-smile and waved and said something in a really low
voice. I'd rather he not say anything at all to me if he's
going to just do things like that. It just embarrassed me...
a lot...


I'm so bummed right now... I think I should go... I get the
feeling that tomorrow at work will be a very interesting day..

goodnight...




Ad: