Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-05-15 08:01:48 (UTC)

Just So

****

I didn't have a bad day at all. But the later it gets and
the more tired I get, the more down I start to feel. There
isn't a whole lot of point in me trying to sleep when I
know I wouldn't be able to (besides, I get so much done
between 1am-4am). It's still a lonely time to be awake and
I'm reminded of all the things that are on my mind or
bothering me:

*The baby's furniture: I ordered it on the 9th. It didn't
get shipped until the 13th. I checked the UPS tracker on
Target.com and in 36 hours, it's only managed to travel
from the warehouse in Ohio to some podunk town in Eastern
Wisconsin. I paid for 3-5 day shipping, but they said I
won't be able to get it any sooner than the 23rd, because
of the size of the shipment and the size of the items (car
seat, stroller, bassinet/play yard, and swing). That makes
me very uneasy. I want it NOW. I want it set up, ready to
go NOW. Why can't some scientist work on teleportation?
That would be fabulous.

*Snookums coming home (or not): I don't think it's too
much to ask to get a damn answer! I expect it to be no,
but each day that goes by that his Senior Chief doesn't
give him an answer is yet another day I don't know what to
expect. I like things to be just so. I like to plan things
out in advanced. Think about the possible different
outcomes. What I'll do in the event of ______ (fill in the
blank). Plan A, B, and C all figured out. Not to mention
it's going to be absolutely ridicu-fucking-lous to find a
decent priced ticket with this short of notice. I might as
well throw the girls in the car and drive my happy ass to
San Diego to pick him up pier-side, it's going to cost so
much. If the answer is no, stop being a dick and just say
so. Stop giving Snookums false hope that he'll get to be
here and let me do my OCD planning without the possibility
that those plans will be thrown out the window at the last
minute. Or I'll be in the hospital having the baby and
Snookums will be sitting at SeaTac with no one to pick him
up. Nothing good comes from waiting until the last minute.

*The girls: I'm very worried about what's going to happen
with them while I'm in the hospital. I'm hoping for a
quick and normal delivery, and a healthy baby, which will
mean I'll be home in a day or two. I have to keep in mind
that that isn't a guarantee. I spent 9 days in the
hospital with Kiki. Almost 10, but I made a deal with the
doctor. If her viral load had decreased (from the day
before) then we'd get to go home that 9th day, and come
back in a couple days for another blood test. He agreed. I
needed to get out of there. Anyhow. I'm worried about what
will happen to the girls if that happens this time. Who
will take care of them? I almost don't trust Selena. I
don't hear from her very often and I'm almost expecting to
call her while in labor and get something like "I can't
babysit tonight, I've got plans". When I call her to ask
her to sit for me, I usually get about a 75% availability
rate. Which, isn't good. What else would you expect from a
kid who doesn't know the meaning of responsibility? Worst
case scenario, I have a home birth and hope for the best.

Those are the 3 major issues that are pressing on my mind
right now. I've pretty much got everything else under
control.

I woke up so sore this morning. I worked hard on the house
yesterday and while I'm happy with the progress, it really
took a toll on my body. My pelvis was on FIRE and my feet
were still swollen (they're really bad now. Painfully
swollen. I can't wiggle my toes).

Cyrus came and hung out with us for a little while. Gen
had a meeting to go to. After they left and Annie got home
from school, the girls and I went grocery shopping (Kiki
ate straight peanut butter out of the jar for breakfast,
it was time). My freezer looks like a library, with all
the neat boxes lined up. Placed strategically so I can
read what each entree is. I have fresh fruit again. This
is all I need to survive.

All the laundry is done. All the necessary baby items and
clothes are gathered up. I just need to pack the bags. My
pump has been sterilized and reassembled. I feel very at
ease with the state of the house and if I went into labor
now, I'd at least be ready to go to the hospital. I'm not
ready to bring him home (no baby stuff), but that's out of
my control. I hate it when things are out of my control!

I'm shocked by the amount of clothes Keenan has (the baby.
That's his name. I guess I should get used to calling him
that). I washed up all the clothes I've accumulated from
the grandparents and the baby shower and there's so much
stuff! I don't even need to go through the three boxes of
hand-me-down stuff I got from Helena's rich friends.

Tonight on ABC News, they had a segment on Baby Planners.
It's a service that does everything for you to prepare for
a new baby. They fix up the nursery, pick out a nanny, set
up massages and photo shoots, help you narrow down names.
Anything you need. I wish I'd known about them sooner!
I've already done it all myself! Not that I would want to
pay some stranger $100 an hour to do those personal things
for me, but if you've got the money and preparing for your
new baby means nothing to you, why not?

I need to go put laundry away. It's 1am now. My working
hours have started. Ciao.




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