Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Feeling Like A Failure
****
I keep feeling that because my Housekeeping Wish List
isn't all checked off and tossed in the garbage, I'm not
succeeding in getting ANYTHING done. My goal was to finish
a couple tasks per day, ultimately finishing by Saturday.
Well, 9 out of 17 tasks are checked off (and it's only
Tuesday), yet I'm still feeling like a failure! Why can't
I accept that I can't move like I used to? That right now
I need to take it easy and NOT overwork myself? I'm such a
self-hater at times. I should be proud of the fact that
I'm sticking to my plan. That I'm getting anything done at
all! Amidst Braxton-Hicks contractions, stabbing cervical
pain, sciatica, a weakened pelvis and poor balance, I'm
STILL getting my shit handled!
I felt bad for Kiki today. I decided since I was staying
home all day, it would be just as good a time as any to
whip out the big-girl panties and give the potty-training
another go. Kiki is very resistant and fearful. I don't
understand why, because she hasn't been forced to use the
toilet or reprimanded for not using the toilet. I've left
it very much up to her. Yet, she cries if I bring up the
subject more than she'd like.
I took her downstairs and we picked out a pair of panties.
Little pink ones with the word "princess" and a crown on
the front of them. Those were the ones she wanted to wear.
Everything seemed fine at first. She played for about an
hour, then I took her to the bathroom. I got her to sit on
the toilet once without much fuss, but she didn't do
anything. A little after 2pm, she took her nap. She woke
up dry, but disappeared for a few minutes and came back
with wet panties. She asked me for a diaper, but I gently
said no and helped her into a dry pair of panties (I
bought 12 pairs at Carter's when we went to the Super
Mall, so I'm prepared). This happened three more times
over the course of the day. By 7pm, she was crying,
begging me to put a diaper on her. Constantly wetting
herself seemed to distress her greatly, but not enough to
even attempt to use the potty chair or the toilet. What am
I going to do with her? She was so relieved when bedtime
came and I put a diaper on her. I think her diapers are a
comfort. She isn't ready to give them up and I'm not sure
if she'll even let me try this again any time soon. All of
the child experts in her life (her therapists, her
pediatrician, the ladies at her old daycare) all said to
be patient with her. She does things in her own time, a
little delayed, but always eventually. Maybe I'm expecting
too much from her because Annie had been potty-trained for
9 months by the time she was Kiki's age now. How can two
children be such polar opposites?
I'm very sleepy. Not because I did too much today. I
didn't. I'm sleepy because I missed nap time. Somehow I
ended up doing other things and just never took the time
to lay down. Nothing is keeping me from getting sleep
tonight. So, after I do the little bit of dishes in the
sink, I'll head off to bed. Ciao for now.
Ad: