Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-05-01 15:03:41 (UTC)

35 Weeks, 35 Days To Go!

That isn't usually how my titles work, but it doesn't
happen every day that I'm 35 weeks pregnant and have 35
days to go! I like it when numbers are tidy like that.
It's a good day for a simple happiness like that, too.
Because I just dropped Snookums off at the ship and I
can't decide how I feel about it. Part of me misses him
already (who's going to pop my back, massage my feet, help
me put my pants on?), but then the other part of me is
optimistic. Optimistic about all the things I'll
accomplish while he's gone. Snookums is a crutch. He saps
me of my independence and makes me need him. When he's not
here, I have superpowers. When he's here, I'm a vulnerable
woman that waits for her husband to do things for her
because it's easier or hurts less. Yeah, carrying a
laundry basket up the stairs hurts, but no one can do it
but me now. Annie is a little waif of a thing. There's no
way she can do it and it's not her job anyway. It's all up
to me and I accept that. It's good for me. Mowing the lawn
might be a challenge, but we'll see how it goes.

Yesterday was a semi-busy day for me. It held good news
and some I-wouldn't-call-it-bad-but-it-wasn't-good-either
news. Some of the good news is that Kiki passed her
hearing test! Yea, Kiki! For the first time in her life
she's got hearing in both ears. She let the Audiologist
look in her ears without screaming and they were clear of
all fluid. She responded to most of the sound ques she
should be able to hear (she didn't catch a few, but that's
normal at her age. She might not have been paying
attention to them, since he gave her toys to play with).
If she doesn't have another ear infection between now and
July, she should be out of the ear infection woods and
won't need the tubes. By age 3, doctors generally know if
a child has outgrown ear infections or if it's going to be
an on-going problem.

Since Kiki's appointment took all of 30 minutes, I decided
to stop by the OB clinic to see if I could get my
antepartum testing done for the week. The good news there
was that the baby is still head down. He's almost doubled
his weight since 30 weeks (he was 3 lbs 8 oz then, he's
over 6 lbs now they think). I'll get a better guesstimate
of his weight at the ultrasound on Friday. He's still head
down and my fluid levels have dropped DRAMATICALLY (I went
from 20-22 high, to 12-13 which is perfect, since last
week). The great news about that is since he's gained so
much weight and my fluid levels are down, his odds of
turned back to breech are very small. He might actually be
stuck now! The bad news, which wasn't that bad, only
mildly curious, was that his heartrate wasn't acting
right. I spent over 2 hours hooked up to the fetal monitor
because they couldn't get him to pass the test.

Basically, the non-stress test measures the baby's
reaction to it's own movement. The heart should have a
baseline, Junior's was 130. It stayed right around that
point. When he moves, his heartrate should spike up at
least 20 beats per minute each time he moves. Well,
Junior's heartrate never exceeded 140 at anytime in 2
hours. They couldn't get the acceleration they wanted no
matter what they did. They had me flip-flopping to
different sides, they buzzed him with this special buzzer.
He hated the buzzer. He'd move away from it, but wouldn't
react the way they wanted him to by elevating his
heartrate. They had me drink water, eat a cookie. Nothing
made him cooperate. So, even though the fluid issue is
resolved, the breech issue is resolved, I have to go back
again next week to see if he'll pass his non-stress test.
If he does, I shouldn't have to keep going every week.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for that!

We had a quiet evening at home, Snookums' last night here.
We had Subway for dinner, so I wouldn't have to cook and
then we just hung out together. After living through 8
months of separation (not well. I didn't say I handled it
well), 2 months will be a breeze. When we dropped him off
this morning, he said good-bye to Annie, then Kiki, then
me. When he lifted my sweatshirt to say good-bye to the
baby, he got teary-eyed and had to look away. It was very
sweet. I think the hardest part for him is not knowing if
he'll be here to see his son born. They have yet to give
him an answer and I know that hurts him. He wants to be
here so bad and I would like him to be here, but that's
not how the Navy works. That's not how the military works.
Thousands of soldiers and sailors miss the birth of their
children everyday. We can't expect to be the exception.
Now that things are starting to mellow out on the medical
front, I don't feel I need him. I want him here, but
that's a whole different thing.

I've got plans for today. I'm going to keep myself busy. I
can't be sure if I'm making up this feeling of "okay-ness"
or if it's just a cover-up to hide how I'm really feeling.
The only way to handle it is to keep my mind and body
occupied. I may pay for it tonight, but I'll pick up some
more Epsom salt while I'm out today ;) Ciao.




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