Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
The Wound That Refuses To Heal
***
I'M AWAKE. I shouldn't be, but I am. It's getting to the
point where I'm pretty much never happy. I deal, but I'm
not really happy. I don't wake up in the morning feeling
good or looking forward to the day. I wake up feeling like
I've been mowed over by a mack truck. And why? Because of
moments like right now. It's after 1am, but even though
I'm worn out exhausted, I can't seem to fall asleep. I
hate to always be complaining, but where else am I
supposed to do it? No one wants to listen to someone
complain all the time. This is my only outlet. If you
don't like it, just don't read. Easy fix. Man, I'm bitchy.
Sorry :)
Most of the evening, Snookums and I laid in bed cuddling,
watching tv and talking. I was so tired, I could barely
keep my eyes open, but I did because I didn't want to ruin
a good night's sleep. Come 10pm when Snookums started
nodding off, I tried to close my eyes and sleep, too. It
just wasn't happening. My hips were aching, my pubic bone
started hurting, my back was throbbing and I had a
headache. The the restless legs started going and by
midnight I gave up and came out to the computer. There was
a plus side, though. I got to chat with my dad on
MyspaceIM. We haven't talked in so long. I can't remember
the last time we had an actual conversation, other than an
e-mail snippet here and there. We go so long without
talking sometimes, he loses track of time and asks me if
I've had the baby yet. That's bad. We have to work on our
communication. Neither of us really needs constant
attention, though. So, it works out in the end. Jason's
parents get bent out of shape and call a family meeting if
we go a week without contact. I've been over this before.
So, I'll drop it.
While I was trying to fall asleep, it occurred to me that
this time last year, I'd just found out I was pregnant
with Ron's baby. I didn't know it was Ron's baby at the
time. Or, I didn't want to believe it was. Even though a
year has passed, it doesn't make that pain go away.
December 1st sucked, because that would have been my due
date. This whole month sucks because I know I'll
constantly be remembering how I was feeling at that time.
I don't regret my decision. I did what I had to do. That
doesn't stop the pain, though. It's the wound that refuses
to heal. A year out, I can think about it and look back on
it without that knife-piercing feeling in my chest. I
suppose that's some form of healing. April is the month of
Kiki's birthday. She'll be 3 this year! I'll concentrate
on that.
Speaking of Kiki, I got a call from the Bremerton School
District today. I was wondering when I'd hear from them.
We set up an appointment for the 14th, so the teacher can
meet Kiki in person. Ellen Strong, I think her name was.
She needs to evaluate Kiki further to see what areas she
needs to focus on and to see the full limitation of her
tongue tie. Ironically enough, the next day is Kiki's
appointment to look into having the tongue tie fixed. So,
things are in motion as far as that goes.
After yet another mail day come and gone with no check
cards, Snookums called the bank to see what the hell is
going on this time. Then handed me the phone. I hate it
when he does that. Anyway, I talked with one of the people
behind the desk (not a teller) to figure out the problem.
Turns out, the post office has been sending the cards back
to Norfolk, Virginia (headquarters) as undeliverable due
to invalid address. I confirmed our address several times.
It's the same one our statements come to, but for some odd
reason, not the cards. Something about a security risk.
Long story short, we have to wait yet another two weeks
for them to be sent directly to the bank. This prompted
Snookums to call the post office to find out why our
address is considered undeliverable to Navy Federal. They
couldn't tell us why, but they said they'd investigate and
get back with us. Yeah, right. Whatever. So, we should
definitely get these. I hope. 7-10 days they said. But,
I've heard that before.
I think that's pretty much all I've got to say for now. I
need to go try to sleep. Ciao.
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