Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-03-22 16:58:37 (UTC)

Sex With Myself

Last night, while I was getting ready for bed I realized
last night (the whole evening and it's rituals) felt
different. It felt different from other nights Snookums
hasn't been here. It felt more like he was gone than just
at duty. Even though in essence it's basically the length
of a duty day. It isn't duty and that makes it different.
Next week he won't be here. For the first time since he
came home in August, he'll be leaving for more than one
night. I know I can handle it, it's just always hard that
first time he leaves after a long stretch at home.

The girls' have their Easter egg hunt in a couple hours,
then I'll take them to the mall to see the Easter bunny.
I've decided that since we can't really go out to dinner
(which is Snookums favorite thing to do), I'll make him a
really nice bon voyage meal. Maybe bake him a ham, some
sweet and regular mashed potatoes. A vegetable medley
maybe. Something nice for the holiday and just to let him
know we'll miss him. I know he's worried about leaving me
alone. We've had this conversation.

Last week, we were sitting together in the living room
after the girls had gone to bed and I made the comment
that soon I was going to need to address my wisdom teeth
(they're still impacted, I've never had them removed). I
can feel the crowding and I know after I have the baby
I'll need to take care of them. He said "You'd better get
it done before I go on deployment, so you don't look for
love and support somewhere else again". That was a direct
remark dealing with my relationship with Ron. A lot of my
attraction to Ron had to do with his availability. He was
always there when I needed him. Emotionally, physically.
Whatever I needed. Snookums does that too, in his own way.
Ron's just better at it :) So, I know Snookums is wary of
leaving me for an extended period of time. He's scared
I'll cheat on him again. The sad thing is, I know I could
get away with it, simply because his desire to have a
companion and to not be alone is so strong. But, I've
decided I don't want to take advantage of his
vulnerability again. So, I'll refrain from that negative
behavior. I mean really, right now I don't want to have
sex with myself, let alone anyone else!

Okay. I'm going to have breakfast, then I need to get
started on my day. I want to clean the girls' mess up
before Snookums gets home, too. He hates coming home to
the carnage they usually leave in their wakes. I need to
start laundry, too. It's taking over my bathroom and I'm
down to my last Egyptian cotton towel! Please, feel for
me :) I'm kidding. I'm not sure if I'll write tonight, but
I'll try. I think I'll have to have sex with Snookums.
It's been almost a month, so I don't know. He is leaving
for a week...Ciao.




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