Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-03-05 04:02:43 (UTC)

I'm Very On Edge

**

On good days I sometimes think MAYBE (BIG maybe) I could
do this one more time. The whole pregnancy thing. I love
babies and my children both have unique and interesting
personalities, on top of being gorgeous. But then there
are days like today that I want to cut this fetus out of
my body with a paring knife. My sciatica has gotten to the
point where it FAR overshadows the pain of SPD, which was
nothing to stick your nose up at. My doctor says he won't
do something about it until it's unbearable, because none
of the options are in the baby's best interest. I
appreciate that. I don't want to take any undue risk if
I'm strong enough to avoid it. Which I feel that I am, but
sometimes always being in pain wears you down. I feel like
crying right now. I'm frustrated, hurting, tired and
sensitive. I didn't tell you I cried when Zoe wouldn't
take her medication this morning. I'm very on edge. I need
to find relief somehow, but at this point I'm at a loss
for options. My doctor's got nothing, where else is there
for me to turn?

I'm not mad at Jason anymore. He called this afternoon and
I explained to him how I felt. Probably not in the nicest
tone, but I'm allowed to yell. He just listened, because
he's trained like that. When he finally came home around
6:30pm, he came bearing cream soda (a pregnancy weakness,
I never needed before, but can't live without now). He
apologized for being sick (like it's his fault) and
cleaned the house up, since I can't bend over to do it
myself (infinitely frustrating, let me tell you). Now he's
out getting me a salad and chocolate cake. At least my
meal will be half healthy :) I don't feel bad about it. My
weight gain is under and I take walks on a regular basis.
I'm doing fine in that department. I think I can thank the
pain for keeping my weight down. Sad, but true. I don't
feel like eating when I'm hurting.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to be more active than I was
today. By 2pm, I was too tired to try anything active.
Kiki and I crawled in my bed and slept until Annie came
home from school a little before 4pm. Sleeping is a
welcome respite. I just wish I could get more of it. Ciao
for now.




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