Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2008-01-16 05:42:43 (UTC)

I'm A Ticking Time Bomb

****

Today went okay, I guess. It was busy. I didn't get
everything done that I'd planned on doing, but for the
most part, things worked out fine. I have a tendency to
stuff too much into days off when they fall during the
week. I figure I've got an advantage. Every one's at work,
I'm not, I should be productive. Weekends are different.
It's okay to not get things done then.

Annie's dentist appointment went well. Every 6 months I
expect them to tell me she's finally developed a cavity,
but every time she shows me up and comes out clean. This
time they had to do some scaling to remove tartar that had
built up around tooth #7. Probably due to the injury to
her lip back in December. I know it must have hurt to try
to brush her bruised and swollen gums. Anyhow, I'm always
harping to her to brush and floss her teeth. I don't know
why she won't do it. One day, she's going to have to get a
filling and maybe then it will sink in.

We went to Olive Garden for dinner, as a family tonight.
I've limited our dinners out to one per pay period. You
can't take away all luxury, but you can definitely put a
limit to it. We're just starting to get our shit back
together. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
One dinner isn't going to hurt. I had my favorite soup,
salad, and bread sticks dinner and Snookums had something
rich and fattening. Some kind of stuffed pasta with
sausage on it. It didn't look appetizing to me, but then
all I can think of when I look at rich food is
HEARTBURN!!! I haven't had it so bad (so far) this
pregnancy, but I do still get it. I find prevention to be
especially helpful. I'm eating much better this time
around. With Kiki I had a bacon, egg and cheese McMuffin
every morning. Much to my obstetrician's schagrin :) Oh,
speaking of which, I made my 16-20 week appointment today.
It's next Wednesday at 11:05am. He wanted me to see him at
16 weeks, but he'll have to settle for 21 weeks. I read
somewhere that mothers that suffer from depression tend to
not stick to the prenatal appointment schedule (this was a
couple weeks after I was supposed to have gone in). I
guess I fit right into that statistic, don't I? It's just
that every time I go, they try to probe into my brain (and
my vagina), like I'm a ticking time bomb ready to drown my
children in the bathtub. I'm not THAT unstable. I'll be
okay. Can't I just get measured and made to pee in a cup
like the rest of the expectant mothers? Why do I have to
have a psych eval every time I go in? Sometimes I don't
feel like sharing my feelings. One day I'm going to get
ahold of my record and see the big SHE'S CRAZY!!! they
probably have written somewhere on my record, because I
swear, I can go in for a flu shot and they ask (in that
special kind of way) "How are you feeling, Mrs. Allen? Is
there anything you'd like to discuss"? NO! Leave me alone.
That's always my answer.

During dinner, Snookums and I discussed our game plan for
after the baby is born. Well, I told him what I was going
to do after the baby was born and he (wisely) decided to
go along with it. I don't want to quit my job. I like my
job. I've been there for awhile now and I don't see why I
can't continue working on an occasional basis. So, I've
agreed to taking the girls out of daycare. I'll stay home
with Kiki and the baby during the day and maybe twice a
week, work a closing shift after Snookums gets home. It
will give me a chance to do something "grown-up" (other
than dressing up like a skank and hitting a club) and have
some time away from the children. When Snookums goes out
to sea, I'll find one of the 5 million teenaged girls in
Jackson Park to watch them for a few hours a couple times
a week. A responsible one, of course, but one too young to
get a real job and will take any money she can get. I got
the idea from Sam, a girl I used to work with (who's
husband was also in the Navy). She paid her sitter $3 an
hour. But, the girl was only 14. At that age, I don't
think I was pulling in much more than $5 for the entire
job. So, that's my plan. Hopefully Tamara can deal with
it. If not, then I'll have no choice but to quit. I don't
want it to come to that though.

Okay, Snookums is hounding me to get off the computer and
come to bed. So, Ciao for now.




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