rainy

My heart in a knot
2008-01-16 00:10:05 (UTC)

Thinking... Remembering..

Ok so I just got finish reminiscing about some calls that I
had made to [her] a while ago.. sometime in October..
anyway... it was really fun to remeber just how funny she
is. Then it made me wish I was still working there with
her... I said I'd never leave unless she left... and now
here I am gone and she is still there.... weird.


Anyway I don't like to talk about her much in here... my
feelings are unexplainable when it comes to her and I don't
know why...

But other then that.... Today was my first day of class!!!!

OMG it was so much fun--- just being in the classroom with
other people and experiencing the same things.. it's so
amazing! here is the thing... sometimes I hate people
because they are evil but other times I love being around
them! acually I love being around people, it's talking and
interacting with them and not screwing it up that's the hard
part.. I guess thats why not a lot of people really know me..

Anyway it was really cool. I hope I didn't look shy or
anything, I really wanted to make a good impression. Oh yea
there is this girl in there... I first saw her on myspace
and now she is in my class.. well the thing is that she is
emo... and today it SHOWED. omg I thought I was as emo as it
got but this girl really showed it in her facial and body
language.. I was totally freaked out to see someone more
nervous looking then me.. of course she may just have been
sick or something. Because her myspace page makes her look
really cool and popular and very confident.. so we will have
to see.. unless she drops the class or something..

Other then that I don't really thing anyone in the class
would be interested in a friendship with me. I mean I'm
really cool but these people seem to be into other things..
like I wouldn't have anything of interest with most of
them.. that is kind of sad.. but it is also kind of good..
in fact it's very good! why? because if I don't have the
intention of making friends with them then I can act freely
and express myself openly with them because in the end I
won't know them anymore right???


: D

I'm so smart! lol. Anyway yea.. so like I was saying the
class seems pretty cool, I know I will really enjoy it as
long as I am able to express myself and no one tries to put
me down or anything like that. I like to stay drama free!


Ok so more to come about my class in the coming entries but
now I will talk about.... hummmmm... I don't really know
what to talk about except... SEAN! lol he is so cute! I'm
just in love with him! I can't help it. I can't wait to see
him on Thursday, but that's not even the best part, you see
I have come up with a plan... I'm going to become friends
with him! but not just a "hey how are you?" kind of a friend...
I'm going to become a GOOD FRIEND. You see while I was
thinking about him I began to realize that he is in fact a
GREAT social NETWORK... you see he knows LOTS of people..
and lots of people know him.. and he's really social and
popular. So why would anyone pass up the opportunity not to
become friends with him? yea I bet even you want to become
friends with him! lol

I just have to figure out how to do this with out REALLY
falling in love with him... because like I've been saying he
is in what could be a serious relationship.. and I don't
want to like him if I can't ever have him... not even for a
minute. So what's a girl supposed to do?? take the next best
thing! and the next best thing is to become his friend... so
I will work hard on it.. I will try my best to do what he
ask and be a good person...etc ...etc ..etc yea.. all that
boring stuff. But for him I will.


ok so... I wish I had something else to talk about but
nothing is really going on right now... in fact I've been
pretty bored as you can tell by the way I wrote about my
class...I thought I was going to pass out over the
excitement in class today.. I was really that happy just to
be out and interacting with people... this is so sad : ( am
I like the saddest person on the planet? am I really this
pitiful..

It makes me sad... but this is my life-- I guess I have to
make the best of it.. or nothing. Like I've said... I hate
my life for the most part... but when I'm having fun, I'm
really having fun and I enjoy it.. so I just wish other
people would want to have fun with me... of course that
sounds really lame.. ok I'm sad now. I am going to stop
before I get too upset.

Ok well laterzzzs.

: )




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