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Maelstrom143, By Sun or Candlelight
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2008-01-12 23:25:41 (UTC)

Between a rock and a hard place

I am having a very difficult time right now. I am looking
at a decision I really do not want to make.
Currently, I love my job. I love my colleagues. They are
always there to support and assist me. They are wonderful
educators and colleagues. I feel like an integral part of
my team and look forward to going to work each day. I am
assigned to med-surg and pcu. I love going to icu to look
at strips and ask questions and I love my colleagues, who
always answer my questions and give me so much new info,
making me better at my job. The staff at my job are by and
large happy individuals, with a very few surly ones. My
hospital is awesome, comprising reg med-surg, ped/ob med
surg, pcu, icu...in short, very squared away. As a newer
addition, I feel my work environment conducive to learning
and becoming stronger, faster, more efficient. The
learning opportunities are only surpassed by the number of
individuals willing and able to share what they know and
have with me. Hey, they are not perfect, but who is? Their
quirks actually make them more likeable; perfectionism is
overrated.
Where's the problem?
My job is an hour away from my home.
I have three young children.
I work nights (12h shifts), sometimes 4 shifts per week,
so it drains me.
I spend little time with my kids due to the number of
hours.
My eldest (not 18) has to babysit and help out...a lot.
I am a rapid cycling bp2, but not on meds, as my docs have
stated I do not need anything and the diagnosis only
applies when it becomes an issue in daily living and
functioning. Night shift is bad for us bp'ers, increasing
the risk of developing mania or depression and therefore
increasing the risk of eventually needing meds.
A close family member has s4 cancer and it is progressing.
I live across the way from her and want to help care for
her when things head south, which is beginning to happen.
My husband is stationed in another state and only able to
visit on holidays, so I am essentially a single parent
w/very little outside help.
My husband wants me to switch jobs to work at the local
hospital, 15 minutes away from home.
The facility close to home:
The place is little, med-surg is not as high-paced. They
have no pcu; their icu is more like our pcu. Their med-
surg mixes peds and adult patients. I am not comfortable
working with peds. They compensate longer and crash faster
than adults. They have parents, some of who may not be so
nice, which means I might sometimes have to do the
unpopular thing: report it to the proper departments. I
live in this community and my children attend school here.
These peds might be my kids' peers and/or classmates. I
would have to interact with their parents. Any perception
of me might be extended to my poor, innocent kids!
I would be med-surg, but in reality they would float me
wherever; I would belong nowhere, not really. I hate
instability! I hate change. The pay is not as nice as
where I am, but I guess the savings on gas would somewhat
balance that out.
I am heartbroken about the change. My hubby says it does
not matter what I prefer as far as jobs, I must do what is
best for the family, regardless of how I feel about it. He
states, and I usually agree, that we must do what is best
for the family, even if it is not what is best for us. I
just do not know if I can be as good at my job if I am
unhappy with where I am and if that is the case, I might
as well just quit.
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