rainy

My heart in a knot
2007-12-31 00:11:44 (UTC)

sad..upset..angry

So my life is just getting worst day by day.. work is now
going horrible... I can't even explain how alone and lost I
feel most of the time, I wish my life was fulled with joy
and laughter... but it's not and there doesn't seem to be
anything I can do about it. Is this my destiny? this sucks
for me.. I want nothing more then to change, I can't say it
any more all I want in life is to change, people like to be
around happy people who smile and joke and enjoy their
lives.. but I don't know how to be one of those people, if
only I had someone to teach me...


Right now I'm just really upset because my reality of my
behavior is really starting to set in.. you know with
everything everyone has been saying to me... especially sean..


I guess this is how it all started... he was joking around
with me and I didn't respond and he told me I had no sense
of humor... so then I went to a web site to take a quiz and
it also told me I had no sense of humor..... LIFE IS NOT
FUN, LIFE IS NOT HAPPY.

Why is everyone on earth so great at life but me?? everyone
has at least one or two friends who they can go to and talk
to and stuff.. but I have no one, no one wants to hear it
because it just makes their day bad... and I don't want to
make anyone's day bad... that's why I come here and I write
about my life and my problems, it's like talking to someone
about my issues... I try to work them out by myself but it
doesn't seem to be working out.... of course I don't know
what I need.. professional help maybe???

So then I guess I'm crazy... I want to be normal.. I want to
smile and be happy like everyone else... everyone is always
smiling and happy and they enjoy their lives!! but the thing
is that I think they have crappy lives but yet they still
enjoy their lives!... it makes no sense to me... they smoke
and drink... and destroy their bodies but yet they have lots
of friends and family who love them you would think they
would take better care of their selves... I should be the
one doing destructive things..


So yea... I'm pretty upset... I'm really bummed about life
and ready to commit suicide- or at least attempt suicide...
again. I want sean to like me.. and I want to get along with
the people at work.. and smile... and make people smile.

I want to be a pleasant person to be around. But I'm not.

people hate me.. everyone hates me... I hate me


ok someone love me please

later..




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