Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Mindful Awareness
****
Just when I was starting to regain some semblance of a
normal sleep schedule, I had to turn around and mess it up
again. When I got home from work today, I was so
exhausted. Around 2pm this afternoon, I hit an invisible
wall of fatigue. I just lost all energy. The rest of the
day I dragged around feeling like a day old noodle. Where
I got that analogy, I don't know, but it fits. By the time
I got home around 6pm, all I wanted to do was lay down.
So, I did. I fell asleep for about an hour until Snookums
woke me up for dinner. Just that hour long nap has thrown
me off to the point that at 11pm, I couldn't go back to
sleep. Now here I sit at 2:19am writing in my diary. My
evening routine got all messed up, too. So, instead of
writing in the morning I figured I'd write now, because
the chances are good I won't want to get up in the
morning.
I haven't been lonely all these hours since Snookie went
to sleep. Dad and I messaged back and forth on myspace. It
seems like it's been awhile since we had a good chat. I'm
glad our paths crossed tonight. I feel slightly guilty
that our conversations inevitable end up being me
complaining about some mundane aspect of my life and dad
giving me words of advice and/or encouragement. I wonder
if he ever has anything wearing on his mind that he'd like
to talk about? Maybe next time we talk I'll ask him.
Instead of our conversations always ending up a therapy
session for me. Speaking of which, I need to call Tricare
and set up an appointment for my new therapist. I can't
remember the new guy's name. Every time I try to quit
therapy, they somehow catch up with me and throw me back
into it. And they say it's voluntary.
I was watching PBS a few days ago, which I neglected to
include in that day's entry I'm sure, but since I'm
sitting here at this ungodly hour of the morning, I've got
plenty of time to write about it. They had a medical show
on discussing a different method of self-healing brain
ailments like depression, OCD, chronic forgetfulness and
others. Studies have show that our thoughts can and do
have an affect on our brain and with our thoughts we are
able to change the way our brain works. In a sense,
healing ourselves with thought. It's called Mindful
Awareness. You can look it up online pretty much
everywhere. Now that I'm even aware of it's existence I
can research it more. It intrigues me, especially now that
I'm not taking any medication, because I can feel the
depression monster creeping up behind me once in awhile.
The last thing I need is to end up like Andrea Yates
(Google that name, if you don't know what I'm talking
about). All I really remember from that show was one tool
an instructor mentioned. A little phrase to help with
memory. I've been using it to combat pregnancy brain.
"I will remember {whatever it is I want to remember}
because I have decided that {whatever it is I want to
remember} is important to me."
This is supposed to strengthen the neurons around the
thought, which helps the brain hold onto it longer. The
more neurons the better. It seems to work. It's a mini
meditation. Dad would be so proud :)
I think I'll be going to bed now. It's after 2:30am and
I'll never get up in the morning if I don't at least
attempt to sleep now. Annie catches the bus in 6 hours.
Ciao.
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