yes i'm a bitch just not urs

U blew it. .
2007-12-06 06:44:09 (UTC)

who am i? and what am i doing?

diary-

i don't like myself right now. i don't have any long term
goals. or short term. I'm afraid of never being out on my
own...not being able to take care of myself. No future to
look forward too...

I feel guilty right now. I don't know why i'm with him...i
love him to death. But i don't know why we are together
again. I haven't seen him in 3 months. I talk to him
everyday. Its back to the way it used to be. I want to be
a wife and a mother and have a husband and all that bs. I
don't want to be alone. I don't want to be the slut that i
have been. I'm disappointed in myself an the fact that i
have had sex with 2 different guys since i "broke up" with
my not on again off again..now on again bf...

I've been talking on the phone with a guy that i met on
myspace. He's got a live in gf or wife...not sure..most
likely the latter....idk....also Have been text messaging
and talking on the phone with another guy who i met on yahoo
messanger. He wanted to have a night of cuddling....yeah
right. i flaked and didn't respond to him. So he's pissed
off at me....he's too young...23 and i'm 31....i just can't
be that girl anymore. I'm a tease to most and and a slut to
a select few.. Its not what i want anymore...Stop if it
feels wrong...it feels wrong...This is not who i am.

And then there is monday...i'm going to end it with him. I
can't see him anymore if i go and see the bf this weekend.
I probably could. But i couldn't live with myself.

i'm sorry..=(




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