Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-11-13 05:16:29 (UTC)

The Wound Is Still Raw

****

I woke up this morning to my phone ringing a little after
7:30am. It was Gen inviting me to coffee. That's cool,
I've called her at the ass-crack of dawn before, too. One
good turn deserves another, but after agreeing to meet at
11am I tried to go back to sleep. That's when Jackson
Park's landscaping crew decided to crank up about a dozen
industrial-sized leaf blowers. How can a person sleep
through that? I was slightly cranky at that point. I had a
hard time falling asleep last night, so an hour or so of
additional sleep would have been nice. Then, Snookums came
home from duty wide awake and talkative, then the girls
woke up and a friend of mine (Misty) stopped by. There was
no way I was going back to sleep at that point. I was up,
but not willing to get out of bed. Gen arrived shortly
after 11am and coaxed me out of my cocoon. What are
friends for, after all?

I was feeling a little queasy when we left the house, but
it was tolerable. We had coffee at Starbucks (which oddly
enough, settles my stomach), lunch at Applebee's and then
leisurely strolled through the new Kohl's that just opened
yesterday. It's nice, but nothing remarkable (like, lets
say...A Coach outlet). I will do a lot of my Christmas
shopping there. The prices are good and they have some
different stuff. Things I haven't seen in Sears or
Penny's, for example.

Snookums wanted to go out to eat tonight. We did the
Chinese Buffet. That pleases 3 out of 4 family members
most of the time. I'm still not at the point where
anything sounds really fabulous to me. I just eat what
doesn't disgust me at the moment.

When we got home, I engaged in the night-time ritual
instead of Snookums. Lately he's been putting the girls to
bed, because by the end of the day I'm sapped of all
energy and am usually a lifeless lump on the couch by 7pm,
but tonight, I couldn't bear to hear Kiki cry from her
room because she's lonely or scared, or whatever it is
that causes her distress most nights of the week. I got
her all tucked into bed with all her animals, gave her a
cup of milk and read her a story. I stroked her head and
told her I was going to bed in my room and she'd be okay.
When I left, she didn't cry and now she's fast asleep. I
think Snookums is starting to feel burned out from doing
so much. Now he acts like anything he does for me or the
girls is a monumental achievement that entitles him to
sainthood. Now that I'm getting some of my strength back.
I'll take a little of the burden off of him. He's starting
to lose his dependability anyway. One minute he's Mr.
Helpful, the next he's Mr. Do It Your Damn Self, I'm
Watching Football.

Speaking of Snookums, we had an interesting chat this
morning when he got home. After Gen's call, before Misty
popped by. He says I can be friends with Ron (phone calls,
texts and e-mails are okay. Face-to-face contact is not),
because he wants to mess around for awhile. I don't see
how allowing me to be friends with Ron is going to make me
okay with him finding sex somewhere else. No matter how
disintrested I may be at the moment. No, I don't feel
sexy. No, I'm not horny in the least bit, but he's
responsible for how I'm feeling right now, so he should
ride it out. Once the second trimester starts, I'll want
to jump him at the door simply because he's got the right
parts :) Don't get me wrong, I want to be friends with
Ron, but is it really possible to be "just friends" with
someone you shared so much with at one time? Someone you
still have a glimmer of romantic affection for? I'm still
trying to figure out if I'm in love with Ron still or in
love with the memory of when I was in love with him.
Either way, the wound is still raw.

I'm going to go now. I know I've missed a lot over the
past month or so, but there's no need to try to make up
for it in one entry :) I need to go rest now. I'm starting
to get a headache. Ciao for now.




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