Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-09-11 03:58:47 (UTC)

Emotional Tug-of-War

***

The Road to Recovery

The road to recovery
is sometimes slow.
But may your path
be made easier
just knowing
that God is watching over you
while friends and family
stand beside you,
caring and concerned.
Together,
they all join forces for you,
praying that your recovery
will be complete and full
and soon.

Linda E. Knight

This is the last entry in my Language of Recovery book.
I'll have to find alternate sources for inspirational
quotes from now on. I like the little added addition to my
diary entries. Even if you find my life utterly boring,
you can still come away with a little tidbit of wisdom.

I had a very chaotic day. Not chaotic in the frantic,
running around sense, but chaotic emotionally. I don't
know how much longer this is going to last, but I'm
getting ill from the roller coaster ride.

Kiki had therapy this morning, so while she was working on
her two-word phrases and enunciation, I went to the
hospital to pick up some more anti-depressants (heaven
forbid I run out of those). The pharmacy wasn't very busy,
so I had time to stop by our new house and peek in the
windows. It's an interesting floor plan, built into the
side of a hill. The kitchen, dining room, living room and
one of the bedrooms is upstairs and the other two are
downstairs. I don't know more than that, because that's
all I could see from the outside, but already that's
unorthodox. I'm going to have to get used to having Annie
on the complete opposite side of the house and on another
floor. Kiki's room is the size of a small closet, but she
doesn't need much room, anyway.

I had coffee with Gen and Cyrus this morning, which is
always nice. He's a good baby and I enjoy my time with
Gen. Even though I've got a lot going on, I'm still trying
to make time for friends. I think it's important for me
not to isolate myself. Or to let Snookums isolate me.

When I arrived at work this afternoon, you'll never guess
who was waiting for me...Ron. When I pulled into the
parking lot I saw his truck, which both surprised me and
didn't at the same time. I don't know yet how I feel about
seeing him. I know I love him and I miss him terribly, but
seeing him made it all the more difficult. All I wanted to
do was crawl into his arms and have him hold me forever,
but I couldn't. I tried to exercise self-control. I did
have to go to work, after all. But, it was hard. I miss
him....

As if seeing Ron wasn't complicated enough, Jason stopped
by work with two dozen red roses. All the girls were
jealous because men don't do that for them. I feel like
I'm in the middle of a game of emotional tug-of-war. Ron
is being ever-hopeful. Standing back, waiting for my
decision, hoping it's him. Jason is preening like a male
peacock. Buying me flowers and performing these great
shows of affection that aren't characteristic of him. Just
so I know I've made the right choice staying with him. I
don't know. I really don't know.

So, my house is full of roses. 3 dozen of them. Beautiful
white ones from Ron. Understated and elegant and a big
showy bouquet of red ones from Jason. I'm so confused I
don't know what to think... Ciao.




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