Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-09-07 05:06:21 (UTC)

Prepare To Hate Me **WARNING** High Drama Entry

*****

God, give us grace to accept with
SERENITY
the things that cannot be changed,
COURAGE
to change the things which should be changed, and the
WISDOM
to distinguish the one from the other.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Prepare to hate me, because I know there's plenty of you
out there that will after you read this. If you've read
any of my entries before, you know I don't give a shit,
but if you feel you need to leave a negative comment, go
ahead. I'm sure it will make YOU feel better. As for me,
I've never felt better. 5 stars, baby.

I didn't write Tuesday night because my broadband
connection was down, but nothing much happened that day
anyway (not in comparison to last night), so it doesn't
matter anyway. I worked, Ron came over and made me dinner,
he spent the night. That's about all.

I didn't work yesterday. Snookums had duty Tuesday night,
so he came home early yesterday. I was sitting at the
computer when he came in. He dropped his backpack by the
door and started pacing the house. In and out of each
room, like he was looking for something. He's been
suspicious of me and my behavior since he got home. He's
commented several times on how distant I've been. I think
all of the clues finally fell into place for him. It took
him a couple weeks, but he figured it out. Honestly, I
didn't do much to keep it from him. Yesterday he came
right out and asked "Who are you cheating on me with? It's
Ron, isn't it"? I didn't lie. I didn't beat around the
bush. I answered him. I answered truthfully. I was
expecting WWIII, but instead, I got a calm, cool,
collected Snookums. One that seems to have thought this
through. Maybe he was waiting for his moment. I don't
know, but it's out. It's all out in the open. So, I might
as well shed some light on it:

Ron contacted me through myspace. We used to work together
a few years ago (the same place Gen and I used to work
together at). We had no reason to stay in touch after I
stopped working there, but he found me and wanted to catch
up. It started out innocently enough. He'd come over to
hang out and talk. One thing lead to another (cliche, I
know) and we ended up in bed. At first it was strictly
sex. Ron is amazing in bed, the best lover I've ever had
(the part I'm going to miss the most). But events that
occurred brought us together in emotional ways as well.

Rewind back to entry 2007-04-18. The one where I was very
enigmatic about what was wrong. Well, I found out I was
pregnant. I thought it was Snookums, but when I had my
ultrasound, it turned out to be Ron's. I was 6 weeks
pregnant, instead of the 13 weeks I should have been had
it been Snookums. At that point, I decided I had to have
an abortion. I don't like the idea of abortion. I believe
it's a necessary evil, but one I never wanted to undergo
myself. Well, I did it. To preserve my marriage and to
protect the 2 children I already have. It was the worst
experience of my life. I did the medical abortion (where
you take the 2 different pills). I've never bled so much
in my life. I'll never forget that experience as long as I
live.

The loss of the baby brought Ron and I closer. We spent
more and more time together. So much so that he eventually
moved in. He lived with me and the girls most of April
until the beginning of August. I tried to break it off
with him, but somewhere along the way I fell in love with
him. He dated another girl, I focused on my family, but in
the back of my mind all I could think about was him. He
felt the same way. I really thought I'd end up with him.

After Snookums got home, I still snuck around to see Ron.
I told Snookums I was going one place, when I really went
to Ron's. I lied about my work schedule so I could get
away for longer periods of time. Anyway I could to get
time away from home. I loved my time with Ron. It was a
fairytale come true.

Snookums sensed that something was going on. I don't give
him credit for being very intelligent, but he's not a
stupid guy. It takes him longer to process things, but he
eventually catches on, so when he did, I wasn't surprised.

Snookums doesn't want to leave me. In fact, he's been
sweeter, more attentive and doting than he has been in a
while. You'd almost think HE was the one that cheated. He
doesn't want a divorce (even though that's what he said
he'd do if I ever cheated on him). He wants to work things
out. Honestly, he isn't treating me any different than he
always has treated me. I don't know what to think. I was
expecting some sort of blow up, anger, hurt, disbelief,
SOMETHING. All I got was a "don't do it again". Like I
spent too much money on shoes or got a speeding ticket.
Why? That's all I want to know. Why isn't he upset with
me? I think I've found every woman's dream. A man that
lets you get away with murder (probably literally, but I'm
not testing that theory).

Ron is not taking any of this well. He's texted me 10
times today, left me 3 myspace messages (1 friend request,
because Snookums deleted him from my friends list) and 5
phone calls. He believes that we are meant to be together
and that I'm going to leave Snookums for him. I considered
it, but only when I thought Snookums was going to leave
me. After long and hard consideration (over the course of
the last month) I decided to follow my heart and mind
(instead of my girl-parts) and think about my girls. My
family. I'm going to stay with Snookums (and everyone
gives me a round of applause).

I think I've talked about this long enough. I'll revisit
the topic at a later date, if I feel I need to get more
out. So, do you hate me now? Ciao.




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