Maelstrom143, By Sun or Candlelight
- September 2007
- 03 - Loneliness
- 04 - Loneliness...revisited
- 04 - Mneme Uncovered
- January 2008
- 02 - To Be Me
- 02 - Songs, poems, and all ...
- 02 - Strawberry Wine - by ...
- 02 - One of Us - Joan Osborne
- 02 - Ai wa kanyo de ari, ai ...
- 02 - Long-lost vice...
- 04 - Sometimes Love Just ...
- 06 - Sundown again
- 12 - Between a rock and a ...
- February 2008
- 16 - Two codes, one save.
- 20 - Maddia
- 20 - Viejito Lindo
- 20 - Un Pasado Tan Vacio
- 20 - Camptown Races and all ...
- 20 - "Viejo, Mi Querido ...
- 20 - Shadows' Man
- March 2008
- 25 - I'm Pinging again
- September 2008
- 01 - Too many brands in the ...
- February 2009
- 04 - Don't Nag.
- April 2010
- 04 - Burning
- May 2010
- 05 - The Good Mother - A ...
- June 2010
- 06 - When is it too soon to ...
- August 2010
- 19 - My Lover, My Husband
- 19 - Forever the Ocean
- September 2010
- 01 - Spilled Perfume, By Pam ...
- 10 - Soliloquy
- October 2010
- 05 - I want to whine a bit
- November 2010
- 07 - Random thought processes
- January 2011
- 25 - Funny the things that ...
- May 2011
- 06 - Last Night
- 06 - Longing
- 06 - Close Your Eyes
- 06 - Waiting for the Morrow
- 06 - About me...
- 06 - We Are...
- June 2011
- 08 - Really pissed right now
- July 2011
- 05 - What if...?
- December 2011
- 30 - My Sister
- January 2012
- 03 - Dear Sister
- 29 - Hi Sis
- 30 - Chacho
- February 2012
- 13 - Sand Castles
- 13 - Haunted
- 29 - Some Days Are Better ...
- March 2012
- 31 - Little Butterfly, by ...
- April 2015
- 24 - Compunction
- May 2015
- 02 - The Heat of Me ...
- 18 - I Remember
- August 2015
- 26 - Walk Away
- March 2016
- 11 - Sonnets from the ...
- September 2017
- 04 - Pondering old memories ...
2007-09-04 02:57:49 (UTC)
Lonelinessit is so hard for me these days to think, to speak, to try
to be myself and not to cry out in despair thinking that
somewhere out there I lost my way and failed to find that
one true friend that i was meant to spare from a life of
search and longing and affairs...
i have someone yet I don't; i cry out to him and he
ignores my pleas asking that i be exactly what he wants
from me, complaining when i am and even when i am not...
so dark and cold; sheer despair envelops my world and
my soul and i still cry out to the night wondering where i
possibly went wrong.
i turn to friends to bare my soul when i should have that
one true love to turn my face toward and yet i don't...
so afraid of the rebukes and the hatred building in my
inner fort; anger and restraint and a growing lack of
trust for one who should be all to me and yet is not...
it used to be i thought he was the one; my one true
friend, the best of me; yet, he is not...
he locks his soul away, preferring to keep his own counsel
and remain aloof and safe.
mayhap i fooled myself trying to think he was the one, for
no responding voice echoes my questing heart and my
loneliness augments, sending me reeling back in time to a
time when i locked myself away
only darkness echoes back my request for a kindred heart
in whose light to bask in and the light of day slowly
bleeds away, leaving me lying bleeding, broken, and afraid,
not of being alone but of being lonely forevermore.