Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-08-10 05:13:28 (UTC)

Discovering My Own Truths

****

It is only by going down into the abyss
that we recover he treasures of life.
When you stumble,
there lies your treasure.
The very cave you are afraid to enter
turns out to be the source of
what you were looking for.

Joseph Campbell

My day turned out nothing like I'd expected it to, but
that ended up being a good thing. Instead of the ordinary,
it was a little different and a lot more entertaining.

I woke up on time. 6:30am, I turned off my alarm clock and
made the executive decision NOT to get up. I went back to
sleep. Not a deep sleep, but a light slumber. That sleep
somewhere in between awake and dreaming. I let time pass
by. 7am, 7:15am, 7:45am, 8am. I let time pass. I missed
therapy. Not because I forgot, but because I woke up this
morning and decided that today is the day I stop going. I
think I've given it a valiant effort. I tried to make it
work. Dr. Martin is a nice enough guy, but he's not what I
need. I'm all that I need. I just need to come into my
power and accept that no one can hand me happiness. I have
to make it for myself. I need to work on discovering my
own truths, in my own way. I am all the guidance I need.
All the tools are inside of me. I just need to use them.

Dad made me breakfast again this morning. Toast and bacon.
It's so weird having someone take care of you. No one
takes care of me when Snookums isn't here. I'm all on my
own. So, waking up to the smell of breakfast and coffee
without having done it myself is a real treat. I don't
know if I'll be willing to let dad go back to San Diego!
I'm jealous of my brother. I didn't get that kind of
attentiveness when I was a kid. If I was smelling bacon
and coffee, it was because I was the one making it.
Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Chris is a
great kid, so full of life and potential. He deserves to
have that nurtured. I wouldn't wish my childhood on my
worst enemy. No one deserves that kind of inattentiveness.

I fell back asleep on the couch after I ate. I woke up
late. 10:15am and I was supposed to be at work at 11am. I
did my best to rush myself, but I still ended up running
late. I called Jenny to let her know I was going to be a
little late and somehow managed to talk myself out of
going all together. Payroll is high, it was a slow
morning, blah, blah, blah. No work for me :)

Dad and I originally were going to go to Seattle with our
free day, but unbeknownst to me, there are no ferries to
Seattle in the middle of the day. They stop at noon and
don't start up again until 3pm. By the time we take a 3pm
ferry over, we might as well turn right around and catch
the next one back. We wouldn't have had enough time. We
did find a nice diversion though. The grave of Chief
Sealth. If you didn't know, that would be the namesake of
Seattle. Dad is really into history and such (so am I,
which is what made the side trip so interesting).
Apparently, there is no mention in most literature about
the resting place of Chief Sealth, so Dad was interested
in seeing it for himself. I got a few pictures before my
camera battery died. I'll put them on my myspace when I
get the chance. It was a nice trip. We spent a little more
time roaming the graveyard looking at the headstone and
hypothesising about what these people's lives were like.
Who was related to who and how they'd come to be there. As
morbid as it may be, I find graveyards to be extremely
interesting. I found the grave marker of a baby named
Joseph Adams. He was 3 months, 7 days old. He died
Christmas Eve of 1949. I couldn't help but wonder what his
family must have felt. What that must have been like. If
he had lived, what would his life have been like today.
Death is the end of this life, but is there something else
after, or it simply just the end? Only the people in those
plots know for sure.

The rest of the day went as usual. The girls did their
best to destroy the house and they did a great job. I fell
asleep on the couch, because something about dad's
presence makes me fall into a comatose state like I've got
narcolepsy. I make up for lost sleep when he's around.
Speaking of sleep. I think I'll pursue that illusive state
now. Ciao and goodnight.




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