Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-07-17 04:58:07 (UTC)

Nothing Really Matters

****

A whole person is one who has both walked with God and
wrestled with the devil.

Carl G. Jung

I guess I'm not a whole person. I've never walked with
God, but the devil and I make strange bedfellows. He and I
are like this (first and middle fingers crossed). Not by
my own accord. He just seems to have a crush on me.

Today was an ordinary day, much like every other day. Kiki
had therapy, I had work. I wish there was more to say. I
suppose it's a good thing I don't have much to write. It
means nothing traumatic is going on.

I somewhat managed to stay on plan today. Not with my food
choices, but by the number of calories I consumed. I know
I have to do better than that (by eating healthier), but
it's so hard. My drive is practically non-existent and I'm
not really feeling motivated to find it. I'm getting to
the point were I just want to tell Snookums "this is me,
just accept it". I know he doesn't care, but I do. In my
own way. I want to look good for him. I want him to think
he's got a good looking wife in me. Maybe it's just my low
self-esteem that makes me think he doesn't already feel
that way. I don't know. Whatever.

I need to clean my house. I don't want to let it get to
the point where it'll take me all day to clean it. I once
again, don't have the drive to get it done. I hate how I'm
feeling right now. Unmotivated, undriven. Nothing really
matters. Not at all. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe it'll
be the day I finally snap out of this funk and start
feeling high again. This low has lasted a long time.

I need to get off the computer now. I've been looking at
it too long. I'm practically addicted to "pimping" my
myspace. I change something on it almost daily. It takes
up too much time. Time I could be doing other things. But,
I don't want to do other things. I suck.

Okay, I'm going now. My eyes are starting to hurt. Ciao.




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