Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-07-15 04:30:36 (UTC)

Semi-Sleep and Restless Wakefulness

***

Create an ideal for your life that you are willing to
follow. Let it be something that is creative and
constructive, never destructive or for the self alone.
Identify for yourself what higher force you really believe
in. Then act as if you have faith in that higher force
that you will be guided and and shown the way through
your life, as well as through your search for healing. In
other words, act as if these things are real in your life,
and then take action.

William A. McGarey, M.D.

Typing out that passage was the most productive thing I
did all day. I spent yet another Saturday curled up in
bed. Annie went out on a little excursion with her friend
Lexi and her family, so it was just Kiki and I all day.
Kiki is a homebody much like me. This is nice, because she
had no problem curling up in bed with me, sipping a cup of
milk and flipping through a pop-up book. I watched Court
TV most of the day and alternated between states of semi-
sleep and restless wakefulness. Kiki took about a 3 hour
nap curled up and tucked ever so neatly in my mid-section.
I was on my left side, she was on her right side, curled
up with her head nestled in the soft part of my side,
right under my ribs. It was very cozy and made me feel
safe and comfortable. A feeling I've been lacking lately.
I know why, but I choose not to say.

I went to the club last night. It was a varietable who's
who of all the people in my life I never thought I'd run
into at a hip-hop club. It made me feel a little less
guilty about being there. I saw one of the girls I work
with (who I knew as a party animal, I just hadn't seen it
in action). I saw a couple girls I went to school with
(both high school and college). I saw people that go to
the church I used to go to (Emmanuel Apostolic). They're
probably there on Friday nights so they can get to sleep
early on Saturday. You don't want to be hung over at
church Sunday morning. I ran into guys that I see at the
gym (at least, when I go to the gym). I also saw one of
Kiki's speech therapists and one of Annie's supervisors at
daycare. I'm telling you, you see these people during the
week, during their every-day lives and you'd never guess
they'd be in the club that weekend, but I suppose they
think the same about me.

Last night, I went outside to the smoking area to wait for
a friend of mine to get there and my cell phone rang. At
first I thought it was her telling me she was on her way,
but when I looked at it, the number was Unknown. Snookums
always comes up unknown, so I answered it and sure enough
it was him. I was so happy! At least for that moment,
because I'd been wanting to talk to him all day, but I
can't just pick up the phone and do that. So, we spent
about 20 minutes chatting. He could hear the loud music
and the people talking around me and knew where I was at.
He says when he gets home, he'll come with me and I hope
he does. It's a good way to forget about your troubles. I
don't drink much because I don't like that hungover
feeling, but dancing and socializing is fun, even if you
aren't drunk.

I'm ready to go back to bed now. I haven't really left the
bed much today, but I'm enjoying my day of respite. It's
9:30pm now, so I'm allowed to be in bed. Ciao until
tomorrow.




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