Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-06-20 04:33:05 (UTC)

Friendly As A Cactus

****

What Is Recovery?

Rebuilding our lives,
Restoring ourselves,
Picking up the pieces,
Healing from past wounds,
Regaining our hope,
Obtaining self-respect,
Mending broken spirits,
Making amends for the spirits we've broken,
Reclaiming our right to be,
Releasing what doesn't belong to us,
Raising up what does without fear,
Repossessing our minds and our hearts,
Repairing broken thoughts and faulty behaviors,
Replacing them with thoughts and acts of love,
Renewing our faith, our minds, and our bodies,
Reviving life within and around us,
Realizing that there is good within us,
Growing in our ability to feel and express that good,
Renovating our broken dreams and broken hearts,
Increasing our ability to own our light,
Reaching out to lovingly share that light with others.

Donna Newman

If recovery means I have to accomplish all these things,
then I'm not ready to recover. I'm working on a few of
them, but the others I couldn't give a damn about
like: "Reaching out to lovingly share that light with
others". I'm not big on sharing anything with others. I'm
not much of a people-person. Really, not at all. What I do
at work is an act. I do it well, it occupies my mind for a
time, so I can stop thinking about myself for a few hours
a day. But as far as caring goes. I'm about as friendly as
a cactus. The ones that don't have the pretty flowers on
top.

On a happy note, today I got some NICE feedback. So nice,
in fact, I felt like sharing:

From: [email protected]
Timestamp: 2007-06-19 05:19:15 GMT
In reply to: Bump and Scratch, Squat and Itch
Message:


i frickin' love your journal. i've spent way too much time
reading through your entries, but it was fun. i like how
honest you are.

anyway, i think i'd be going crazy if i were you. i hate
having stuff wrong with my bits and skin. you're a trooper.

- claudia

Thank you, Claudia. After a string of nasty feedback, it
was great getting one that didn't hurt what would be
feelings if I had any left.

Work was great today! It was lovely being back after
having last week off. Today was also the first day of Semi-
Annual (our big sale). The store was packed and the line
never ended, which was great, because it made the day go
by so much faster. I got 6 cards for the first time in a
long time. It's not a personal best, but I started slow
and really got on a roll around noon. By then I had 3 and
was starting to feel back in my element. Danielle I think
is better than me (because she's so pushy. She had 2 her
first hour. I left, so I don't know what she ended up
with), but I'm okay with that. I'm secure in my position
at VS. She doesn't threaten me. No one does. I'm tenured
and I'm close with management. I do my job well and I'm
consistent. I'd dare say I'm dependable. Wow, a whole
paragraph without tearing myself down once! Cool!

Tomorrow is my OB/GYN appointment. I'm a little nervous,
but I'm sure everything will be fine. I'm praying that
Bart will pop on his own and if he doesn't, I'm also
praying they don't say "let's wait and see", because I
might punch someone. I'm not one of those hypochondriacs
that HAVE to have something wrong with them, because they
need attention. I'd really prefer to be healthy, I'm not
making this up. It hurts and I want it gone! If you looked
at my medical record the past month you'd think I was a
hypochondriac, I've been to Naval Hospital so many times.

I'm ready for bed now. I had the hardest time getting up
this morning and the grogginess never fully wore off. I
think the Trazodone is kicking my ass. Maybe I'll try half
a tablet. It's hard enough as it is getting up in the
morning. I don't need to be drugged on top of it! Ciao
until tomorrow. I'll update on how the gyno appointment
went.






Ad: