Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
A Veritable Suicide Molotov Cocktail
***
As you begin your journey, know that in the grand scheme
of things, we live in a world where rainy days eventually
give way to sunnier skies, and where simply believing in
tomorrow takes you halfway up the mountain to getting
beyond any difficulties.
May you have the companionship of comfort on every path
you take and the gentleness of peace. May you find
serenity and strength and every single thing.. that will
put your heart at ease.
R.L. Keith
Today started out a little rough for me. I woke up with a
deep sense of hopelessness, loss, regret and self-hatred.
Not a great combination of emotions. A veritable suicide
molotov cocktail. Then Gen called. We didn't talk about
anything in particular or anything really noteworthy, but
it was enough. It helped me pull back the sheets, crawl
out of bed and start doing laundry. Inspiring, isn't it?
I washed all of Annie's clothes. Everything she had on the
floor that I wasn't sure was clean or dirty, because it
was just a mountain of clothes. I washed them all, sorted
them into categories. Dresses, bottoms, tops and jackets.
I printed out a step-by-step instruction sheet for her to
go by, too. So when she's putting away her clothes, it'll
stay that way. That gave me a great sense of
accomplishment. Something tangible. When I feel like I
never accomplish anything and I can't get anything done,
I'll just go look at Annie's closet.
I met up with Lauren again today. My Mary Kay consultant.
I started using the products I bought last night and oh my
god. I see results already. I used the microdermabrasion
kit and the cleaner. My skin is smoother, my dark spots
are fading and the foundation she picked out for me is the
first one I've ever used that was undetectable (in color)
and smooth feeling. Everything else I've used in the past
was stiff, sticky or smelly. So, I gave up on foundation.
I love the coverage. The lip liner and gloss are fabulous,
too. I got the neutral liner (a light brown color) and the
cream and sugar gloss (a sheer brownish-pearl shade) and
they look amazing on. They aren't sticky and the liner's
color lasts for hours. My lips still had a nice tone to
them, even after I'd licked the gloss off. I think I might
be sold.
The purpose of today's meeting was about becoming a Mary
Kay consultant myself. I was honest with her right from
the get-go. I love my job at Victoria's Secret. I don't
want to sell Mary Kay, but I let her go through her spiel,
because I got free coffee and a free lip color out of the
deal. I was surprised that by the end of the hour we'd
spent at Starbucks, I was slightly interested in the
company. The business plan is amazing. I'm not going to
get myself all worked up and jump right into it, but I'll
entertain the idea if I'm ever in the market for another
job. I know I'd be good at it, but for the time being I've
got other things to worry about. I'm not ready for a
career change.
Since I was in Silverdale, I went into work to get my
schedule. It's a light week next week, thank goodness. I
have Monday off, too. Which is lovely. I hardly ever have
weekdays off. So, I'm going to see if I can schedule my
follow-up for my wrist that day. It was too late to call
today, but I'll call first thing Monday and see if they
have an opening. Sometimes you can get right in.
I decided (just now) that I'm going to take my medication.
I have yet to start the anti-depressants Dr. Daly gave me
on Wednesday. I took one of the Trazadones Wednesday night
to help me sleep, but I haven't started the Wellbutrin at
all. I'm a little uneasy about taking 3 different anti-
depressants at once. What will I be like that drugged out?
Will I seem different? Will it make a huge difference in
my personality? I want to be happier, but I don't want to
change my basic personality. The person that I am. I don't
want others to see a marked difference in me. Maybe a
happier me, but not a totally different person. I suppose
I'll never know what I'll be like if I don't take them.
I'm going to bed now. After I got Annie's laundry done, I
started the regular weekly laundry and the last load just
finished. The timer just buzzed on the dryer. So, I'll go
put those away and my weekend is free. I'm pleased. My
first laundry-less weekend...ever. Ciao.
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