Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-05-03 02:23:24 (UTC)

Nothing Says Lovin' Like...

****

...a 20 oz Chocolate Comfort chai milkshake with whipped
cream and toffee bits on top. it's unlike anything you've
ever had before. Nothing says "I like having a 200 pound
ass" like a chai milkshake, either, but sometimes self-
love wins out over self-loathing. Maybe drinking a 4,000
calorie milkshake is a little of both? Honestly, I don't
care. It tasted good, made me feel good for the moment.
I'll worry about burning it off on a day I actually give a
shit.

I'm completely baffled by my total indesire to do anything
that could remotely cause me to lose weight. Each day I
wake up with the hope of "today being the day", but by
noon, it's very apparent that today NEVER is the day. I
want to get back down to my fighting weight, but I am
completely lacking the drive to do so. I know what I need
to do, I'm just not emotionally or physically ready to do
it. On my way out of work today, I was thinking to
myself "You've done good today. You didn't eat a single
thing bad for you." And as I'm saying this to myself, I
veer into Kataluma Chai and order the aforementioned
behemoth milkshake. I don't know what's wrong with me. It
took me an hour to finish, it's so rich. But, I love them.
Why is this entry all about a stupid milkshake? How
pathetic am I?

Work was okay. It went by pretty fast, mostly because I
didn't allow myself to look at the time. I worked with
that new girl again. She irritated me less today and
didn't challenge me, either. I got 3 cards, she had none.
We can co-exist. If she were to challenge me to do more
than what I'd intended to do, I'd have to hate her. I
don't want to hate her or anyone else, but I'm always open
to a good reason why I should.

I'm so cold. The weather is doing strange things today and
I think I've had enough of it. One minute it's sunny and
warm, the next it's raining. Then it's windy, sunny and
raining, windy and sunny. The combinations are endless and
rotate about every 5 minutes. As soon as I get the girls
to bed, I'm getting into a scalding hot bath and then I'm
putting on my warmest jammies. Then, 10 minutes later I'll
be hot and will change into something a little less warm.
That's how it always goes.

I have nothing else I want to talk about. I'm doing
better, which is good. The past is finally taking it's
place in the past. April was such a bad month. I'm glad
it's behind me. Ciao.




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