Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-04-30 04:28:12 (UTC)

So Much Time To Make More Mistakes

***

What a waste today was. I didn't get a damn thing
accomplished. Mainly, my laundry. It's still piled up on
my bed. On Snookums side where I never go anyway. I had
the best intentions of getting it done, but the sadness
that overtook me last night was still with me when I woke
up this morning. I thought I'd be able to overcome it, but
I wasn't. It hung over me like a very heavy cloud all day.
The 8th isn't very far off. I'll be glad to finally
discuss this depression thing with a real psychiatrist and
maybe they will be able to do what a counselor and a
general practitioner couldn't.

Kiki was a very good girl today and Annie wasn't feeling
well, which meant she was a very good girl as well. No
problem from either of them. Kiki took a 3 hour nap, which
was great, because I got a 3 hour nap, too. I'm tired
still. It can't be because I haven't gotten enough sleep.
I slept all night and half of the day. I should be well
rested, but the ever-pervasive feeling of exhaustion is
always with me. Unless I'm on a high, they are few and far
between unfortunately.

Snookums called me this morning! He's in Dubai again. I
really needed to hear from him. I'm not sure why I'm
missing him so intensely all of a sudden, but I am. I'm so
ready for him to come home and help me get life back into
a somewhat orderly situation. I feel so scattered and out
of sorts. I know I can't even begin to confide in him all
that I've been up to, but just his innocent presence I
think will be the catalyst I need to get back on the
straight and narrow. I don't believe for a moment he would
understand my reasons, so they just won't come up. Him
being home will have to be all the closure I get. Why am I
even thinking about this right now? I've got so much time
left to go. So much time to make more mistakes. I'm not
even going to lie and say I won't, because I know I will.

I think I'll go to bed now. I've only really been out of
bed for about 3 hours, but I'm ready to go back. Tomorrow
is my first day back to a normal schedule at work and I
want it to be good. I want to feel like I'm back in my
niche and ready to perform. There are so many new girls
working, it's going to take some getting used to. All the
new faces. I'll think of it as a clean slate. None of them
know what I've been up to and as far as they know, I'm
just one of the senior associates. Illusive and stand-
offish. Okay, a BITCH, that's what I'm really getting at.
But what's the point of getting to know them if they
haven't been here for at least a month? If they don't
stick around, at least I didn't waste any energy learning
(or trying to remember) their names. Ciao.




Ad: