Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-04-28 05:46:56 (UTC)

A Cleansing Experience

****

The pills they gave me to empty my uterus worked. Rather
abruptly and kind of messily, but quickly and painlessly.
This surprisingly put me in a good mood, because now the
bleeding has slowed to less than a trickle and I feel the
whole ordeal will be soon behind me. Funny how intense
bleeding and the passage of much tissue can be a cleansing
experience. Too much information? Well, it is my diary, so
deal with it!

Truthfully, I don't know why, but this morning I felt a
strong need to have Kiki with me. The loss of a child (no
matter the circumstances) is hard and I think this time
around is even more so for me. I needed some time with my
baby. To help me put things into perspective and realize
that she is still very young and needs me more than ever.
She's not your average 2 year old. Things don't come easy
for her. I want to help her as much as I can. Be her
advocate and voice until she finds her own. This will be
my purpose and this will help me through the dark moment
I've found myself in. We went to the play area in the
mall, which is something she doesn't get to do often, but
loves. A woman had her 12 day old son with her (along with
her two older children) and I couldn't help but feel like
fate is rubbing my face in my misery by surrounding me
with all these newborns. I directed my focus back on Kiki
and I got through the situation just fine. After that we
met Gen for coffee. Kiki is such a ham when it comes to
the Starbucks scene. I love taking her there. She's very
sociable and cheerful. People can't help but love her.

My mood has improved exponentially today. I hope this
trend carries on through the weekend and into next week. I
go back to work full time and there's rumor 3 management
positions will be opening up in the next few months. Maybe
an entry level management position is just the brass ring
I need to help pull my enthusiasm out of the toilet. I'm
not looking for a head-hog type management position, but
one of the little CSL (shift leader) spots would suit me
nicely, I think. Something to think about.

I'm going to bed now. I don't have the energy to stay up
late and I have a mountain of laundry to get started on
first thing. It isn't going to do itself and even though I
told myself I'd start on it today, I just ended up
shopping and finding everything else to do other than
coming home to do laundry. I'm so bad sometimes. Well,
ciao and goodnight.




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