Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Progress. Slow and Steady
***
Today was a better day. Not having the pressure of
performing at work helped. I think if I keep having days
like today, I should be fine for work on Monday. I didn't
feel perfect, but I wasn't 3 seconds away from a panic
attack, either. Progress. Slow and steady.
In an attempt at achieving normalcy, I made it into the
gym this morning. I hadn't anticipated the deluge of
patrons that would greet me practically at the door. I
must of had at least 5 or 6 people ask me where I'd been,
how I was doing, if I was okay. It started to be too much.
To shield myself from the onslaught, I hid out in the Fit
Loft where few people dare to tread. I was left alone long
enough to get in a brisk 30 minute walk on the treadmill.
I felt pretty good and would have done more if my damn
uterus hadn't started cramping up again. Me and that
particular organ aren't getting along well right now.
Instead of our usual Starbucks time, Gen and I had some
Red Robin time. She was in need of a burger and I was in
need of any reason at all to fall off the wagon, even
though I've only been on it for one day. I'm still so
emotional, controlling my eating is next to impossible for
me. I'm an emotional eater and I don't know how to
disconnect food and my feelings. Maybe a good therapist
will be able to help me with that. Anyhow, we had a really
cute waiter, which made me feel a little like a woman
again. A bad, bad, very bad woman for lusting after a man,
but what the hell. I'm human, right?
Just to do something nice for myself (instead of beating
myself up for a change), I got my nails done. I can do
that now that I'm not pregnant. I can also smoke. Wow, the
freedom. Yet, somehow it's empty.
My appointment went okay. I still have a good amount of
tissue in my uterus, but they think it will work itself
out in time. They gave me some pills that are supposed to
make my uterus mildly contract (mildly my ass, I'm sure
it's going to be a walk in the park). Apparently this
isn't going to go away that easily. On the upside, I got
to talk with a grief counselor. That was helpful (no, I'm
not being sarcastic, it actually was). I was angry when I
got there. At what, I don't know, but I was upset and
after about 45 minutes with her I was feeling better.
After an hour and a half, I was actually smiling and
laughing. I came out feeling much better than I went in
feeling, which was refreshing. It gets tiring being
depressed all the time. Every once in awhile the clouds
part and the sun shines. I relish those rare moments. I
wish I had more of them.
I had a little time to kill before I had to pick the girls
up from daycare, so I strolled around the Dollar Store for
awhile. The one thing I love about the dollar store is
that no matter how much you buy or go crazy, everything is
only a dollar! I bought the girls some candy and myself
some green tea incense, which actually smelled nice. I'll
burn some after the girls go to bed.
I feel up to tidying, so I'd better do that before I
change my mind. Which, could happen at any minute. Ciao
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