Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-04-05 04:02:40 (UTC)

It's The Same Old Shit

***

I can tell that I've slipped into survival mode again,
because I don't give a damn about a damn thing. I don't
care about how I look (although I'd love for people to
stop asking me if I'm pregnant), I don't care about money,
or my job or anything really. I know what I need to do,
but I do the bare minimum I HAVE to just to get by. It's a
wonder my life hasn't fallen apart around me yet. All I
can think about is what life will be like in the fall when
Snookums gets back. Hopefully I can pull my shit together
by then, because if I don't have his money for a down
payment on a new car, my ass is grass. $3,000. That's what
I want to have put away. I need to do the math and figure
out how much each payday I need to set aside. I keep
saying "next payday", but next payday turns into next
payday and so on and so forth, until next payday will be
the last one before he comes home. Man, I really wish I
cared.

I would tell you about my day, but who cares? I went to
work. Not much to talk about there. I'm not feeling as
enthusiastic about work lately. Not like I usually do. I
know it's just my mindset, because nothing has changed,
but it's a little disconcerting. I want to be enthusiastic
about my work. I like working at VS. Why can't I enjoy it?

Okay bedtime now. I'm tired of writing about being
depressed. it's the same old shit. Ciao.




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