Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-03-17 06:46:03 (UTC)

One Of My Many Breakdowns

***

The weather today insanely wonderful. Sunny, warm and
virtually cloudless. Days like today either make me very
happy or horribly depressed. I fluctuated between both
almost at the same time.

Since it was so nice, I decided the girls should get to
enjoy it outside the confines of school and daycare, so I
took them to the waterfront park here in Port Orchard.
They played on the equipment for a little while, but
Kiki's fascination with the sea gulls quickly drew them
down to the water's edge. So, I sat on a rock and watched
as they threw shells and rocks into the waves and dug
holes in the sand. For a moment, I was intensely happy
that they were enjoying themselves so thoroughly, then
almost immediately, almost overlapping themselves, I was
sad that Snookums isn't here to enjoy this time with us.
Going to the waterfront park was something we did
together, as a family. I just opened late last summer,
right around the time he came home, so we've never been
there without him. Today was the first time. It was a hard
moment for me. I don't know if I'm just now starting to
miss him terribly, or if PMS is taking it's toll on me.
It's probably a little of both.

I'm pulling away from people again. Sam is home now, which
make me not want to bother Gen. No one understands
spending time with your husband quite like I do.
Especially when they're career keeps them away from home
for weeks and months at a time. He'll leave again and
we'll be bosom buddies (more like lesbian lovers, minus
the lovers part) again. I don't want to be the third wheel
(or the fifth wheel, if I've got the girls with me). Not
to mention seeing them together is a little more pain than
I really feel like enduring right now. I might just break
into tears and that wouldn't be fun for anyone involved.
Although it wouldn't be the first time they witnessed one
of my many breakdowns.

The Impala is in dire need of some TLC. This week has been
a bad week for it. Yesterday I got into the car only to
discover that a minuscule rock chip that happened a few
weeks ago has grown into an 18 inch crack across the
windshield literally overnight. I mean, I got in the car
and there it was, in all it's glory. I nearly cried. To
make matters worse, I ran into the damn carport again, so
now my bumper is sporting a huge green paint streak (in
the same spot I had painted last summer). I forgot about
the detailing appointment on Thursday (thanks to my
depressed stupor), I need an oil change, new wiper blades,
a 60,000 mile tune up and new tires. I'm one more incident
away from trading the piece of shit in for something new.
I don't want to, but I'm just so drained I don't want to
do any of it. I don't even have the strength to hit the
yes button when the pump asks me if I want a car wash at
the gas station. Where is my husband when I need him?
Fighting some stupid, pointless war in Iraq. I hate Bush.
I hope he chokes on a pork rind while watching Monday
night football, with his beer just out of his reach. Where
the hell did that come from?

Okay I've complained enough for one night. I think I'll go
to bed now. Ciao.




Ad: