Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-03-12 08:05:46 (UTC)

Back Into The Habit

***

I'm falling back into the habit. The habit of writing
late, getting little sleep and not taking care of the
house. It's not too bad right now, but I didn't do my
candlelit tidy tonight. I'm just so tired and rundown.
When I see my doctor about my anti-depressants, I'm
definitely going to ask why I'm so tired. I'm sure she'll
say it's nothing and I'll get over it, but I'm thinking
it's the depression creeping up on me. Sometimes I feel
kind of okay, but other times I'm completely hopeless.

I did nothing today. I laid on the couch and napped on and
off as the girls played on the rug in front of me. I'm so
lucky to have such well-behaved children, but I know I
take their good behavior for granted. I'm always hearing
mothers complaining about not getting enough rest and
being worn out. My children let me take naps. I'm so
lucky. Why can't I appreciate my good fortune more?
Probably because I'm depressed.

Snookums called tonight. I hate to say it, but I wish he
couldn't. Hearing his voice makes me feel so alone. He's
so far away and sounds like it over the phone. It's just a
constant reminder. He makes it a point to call most every
Sunday night and I dread the call. It would be easier for
ME to have no contact at all. I know most military wives
would think I'm insane, but I did specify that that's just
ME. I'm dysfunctional and I know it.

Kiki has her second day of early intervention preschool
tomorrow, so I need to get off to bed so I'm not late. I
hate running late, but it's turning into a reality of my
existence lately. I'm so out of control and I hate it.
Ciao.




Ad: