Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-02-05 06:22:42 (UTC)

I'm So Pathetic

***

Last night, I went to bed early. My thought process was
that I would go to bed, snuggle up under the warm covers,
watch a little Food Network or Court TV and pass out
around 11:30pm or 12am. What actually happened? I crawled
into bed, the covers were too loose, so I had to get out
and make the bed. Afterwards, I crawled in, but was too
hot from the excursion making the bed created, so I had to
take off my pants. That was a little better, until my
thighs started sticking together, which I hate. So, I put
my pants back on. This made me hot again. So, I took the
pants off and put one of Snookie's pillows between my
thighs. This was perfect. I watched the 11pm news. I
watched Food Network, I watched Court TV. Nothing seemed
to suit me. So, I flipped. I channel surfed for about 20
minutes until I stumbled across 3 Men and A Chick Flick.
The feature presentation just so happened to be my all
time favorite movie. Dirty Dancing. I've loved that movie
since I was a little girl and couldn't understand what
exactly it was really about. All I knew was that that's
how I wanted love to be for me. It isn't, so I'm a little
jaded, but I'll get over it. No one's life is exactly what
they dreamed it would be as a child. So, anyway. I ended
up watching TV until some time after 2am and passed out
without realizing I had. I woke up to the girls tearing
the house apart. That's pretty much all my day consisted
of. I'm so pathetic.

As I sit here, with the cat in my lap, eating an entire
pineapple (which will probably give me a hellatious canker
sore), I wonder what I can do to make my life more
fulfilling. Why am I never satisfied? What is missing that
makes happiness so illusive? Why do I sit around the house
all weekend waiting for SOMETHING to happen that never
does? Why do feel so sad? All the time? What do I have to
feel sorry about. I've got a great life. I've got a couple
good friends, a job I love, fairly good kids, a cat that
drools on me (his sign of love) and a husband that adores
me. Yet, I'm willing to throw it all away just to find
this illusive happiness I seek. Like, giving up everything
and running to Fiji is really going to fix anything. I
don't want to run to Fiji, it was the first exotic,
tropical place that came to mind. Hawaii, Hawaii, Hawaii
is where I want to go. But since I lived there for 8
years, I can't consider it exotic.

I think maybe I'll go make myself something real to eat.
Maybe some sauteed vegetables, with mushroom and sweet
onion, over rice. Ooh! I think I'll even throw in some
veggie steak! Now I'm a little happy :) See, I'm smiling.
Ciao.




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