Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
My Entertainmentless Life
***
I'm so bored out of my mind. I've got to find some way to
inject my dry, boring, entertainmentless life with some
excitment. Idealy, wholesome, morally and ethically sound
entertainment. Although, the idea of an affair is starting
to sound more and more acceptable the more thought I give
it. I feel so separated from Snookums. He doesn't have
much to say when he write, he can't talk long when he
calls. I'm not getting what I need from him. Even if it's
totally not his fault, his absence does make a tryst all
the more enticing.
It felt really good to sleep in this morning. I definitely
should make more of an effort to get to bed on time. For
some reason, I just sleep better in the early morning
hours than I do in the late evening. I get my best sleep
between 2am and 10am. I feel more productive at night,
which is strange, because I can't get as much done. You
can't do loud cleaning (vacuuming, dishwashing, etc.) at
night (at least not in an apartment). I can't run errands
or shop. I'm limited in what I can do, which is why I feel
so bored and confined. Like a hamster in a wheel...going
nowhere.
What can I do to spice things up? To give me a reason to
get up each day? What usually enthuses me just doesn't
seem to be doing it now. I still haven't been able to
fully commit to losing weight again. I love my job, but it
too is becoming just another thing. Something I do,
because I do it. Not anything magical or special anymore.
I'm an angel. So? It's lost its panache. Which doesn't
make it any less fun. It just means I'm not starstruck by
working for such a visually appealing company.
Did anyone read (or see) the controversy about Tyra Banks'
weight? I have to say. The girl was (and kind of still is)
my idol. She is what made me want to work at Victoria's
Secret at 17 years old (I applied, but couldn't because I
wasn't 18). She has always been my idea of what true
beauty is and I've always wanted to look like her. I guess
now that she's retired from VS and modeling all together,
she's put on some weight. 30 pounds to be precise (which
makes her 161 pounds). Now all the modeling people who
have a problem with normal sized woman are saying she's
fat and her body's ugly. I feel so bad for her. She's 10
pounds heavier than me (but also 3 1/2 inches taller) and
I find her body absolutely gorgeous. She's thicker,
curvier and has the same DD's that make me a little self-
conscious. Yet, they look normal on her. I feel like I've
got more in common with her now. Which is a little sad,
because I don't. But, what I mean is, I have respect for
her. She's in the public eye, facing constant scrutiny and
yet isn't ashamed to just be herself. Why can't I be like
that?
I'm going to bed now. I have nothing to do and I don't
want to start eating out of boredom. Which is likely to
happen if I don't get away from the refridgerator. Ciao.
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