Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-02-03 06:44:31 (UTC)

Words Of Wisdom and Lemon Pound Cake

****

By the suggestion of my dear friend, Gen. I will grace
everyone with my words of wisdom for the day:

"There is nothing harder than trying to get a bugger out
of your nose with a nose ring in the way."

Words to live by, what can I say? I'm pleased to announce,
that for the most part I had a really good day. Kiki was
sick, couldn't go to daycare, I had to call in sick from
work and didn't get to go to the gym. All things that
would normally constitute a bad day, but for some reason,
I felt pretty darn optimistic about the whole thing. It
was almost scary. I even wondered for a moment if maybe I
accidentally took two doses of the antidepressants last
night. But, no I didn't. I just felt happy.

I can honestly say, nothing about today was normal.
Instead of getting up at 7am, like I normally do. Kiki
crawled in bed with me and we went back to sleep until
11:30am. She wasn't feeling well, I hardly ever get enough
sleep. We needed it. We got up slowly. I showered and
dressed. Kiki took a bath and that's around when I decided
I wasn't going to work today. Kiki was just so pathetic.
She was like a really warm, limp noodle. She wanted to be
cuddled. She didn't have any spunk in her at all. Not to
mention the way she was breathing didn't leave me with a
warm fuzzy feeling. I figured VS could to without me for a
day. My baby needed her mommy (whoa, were did that
motherly moment come from)?

We dropped Annie off at daycare, because she's getting to
the stage where her friends are more important to her than
her family (her words, not mine) and she had more
important things to do. I wasn't too upset. The girl and I
have been rubbing each other the wrong way for weeks now.
We need our space. 12 hours a day should be enough.

Kiki and I went to Starbucks together. Gen wasn't feeling
well, so we just went by ourselves. Kiki looked so cute.
Stuffing too-big pieces of lemon pound cake into her mouth
and sipping the organic vanilla milk Starbucks keeps right
at kid-level. We went through three different breads
before she decided lemon pound cake was the one she
wanted. The others just ended up crumpled on the floor. I
tried cleaning it up, but hell. It isn't my house.

I didn't want to over-tire Kiki by doing a lot, so we just
did a couple things today. I picked up some odds and ends
at World Market and bought flowers for my bedroom (the
dead arrangement from my anniversary back in December just
had to go). I also did some weekend shopping for the girls
and I. I like to not leave the house on weekends. And if I
do leave, I want it to be for something fun, not running
errands. I guess that's the kid in me. Weekends are
supposed to be about what you want.

When we got home, it was around 5:30pm. Kiki tried to eat
dinner, but was falling asleep in her highchair, so I just
cleaned her up and put her to bed. It was a little early,
but I figured she needed the extra sleep. Annie watched
her shows and played a word game on the computer. Then,
she went to bed.

I came to a realization about Annie tonight while I was
making her a grilled cheese sandwhich. She doesn't watch
cartoons hardly at all anymore. She watches things like
Hannah Montana, Zack and Cody's Suite Life, Corey In The
House, Zoey 101, etc. All these tween shows. Hardly ever
do I see her watching Nickelodeon, unless something better
isn't on. The girl is growing up so fast. Just a year ago
she wanted a Dora The Explorer backpack and now she's
embarrassed of her SpongeBob backpack, even though that's
what she told me she wanted. I can't believe how time is
flying by.

Guess who called me tonight? Snookums! It's nice hearing
from him, but it's so painful :( I have to stifle the urge
to cry. Hearing his voice reminds me of how much I love
and miss him. Not just that I want him home, but that he's
actually going to a dangerous place. One I don't feel he
should be in. I don't think he's physically, emotionally
or mentally prepared for it. It would be easier for me if
I didn't have to write him, or talk to him. It may sound
cold and somewhat callous, but just forgetting about him
is the easiest thing for me to do. It's how I've coped
with being abandoned all my life. It works for me. I don't
want to think about what's going on over there. I
especially don't want to think about what could go wrong.
People try to console me and tell me "well, he's not on
the ground, so he's not in as much danger". To an extent,
that's true. But what about the unexpected? He's sitting
on a floating target, off the coast of two very hostile
countries. What if, just what if, they actually do have
weapons we don't know about? Sounds like a good time to
test one out. This is exactly why I wish we didn't have
contact. Call me what you will...

Tonight's a pretty quiet night for me. The girls are down.
Gen is sick (well, recovering), Jeremy is out with
friends, Snookums is bobbing through the Pacific, and Zeus
ran out while I was bringing in groceries...I have never
been more alone than I am right now. Okay, yes I have.
But, I'm kind of glad. The house is clean, there's nothing
I have to do. I think I'll go hit the sack, read for a
little while and then go to bed early. Here's another
question that just came to mind: why do I go to bed early
on the weekend, but stay up late during the week? Isn't
that ass backwards?

Well, that's all for tonight. Ciao.




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