Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
More Melancholy Than Usual
**
I'm not a happy camper. My house is in a shambles, I'm not
feeling motivated to do anything about it. I just feel out
of sorts. Why is happiness so illusive? Why can't
happiness be a birthright? Maybe I'll triple my anti-
depressants. My doctor said I couldn't overdose on them.
Lets test that theory...
The girls are asleep (duh, it's almost 10pm) and I want to
go to sleep, but I really want to clean up, too. I need to
do the dishes and take out the garbage, both of which are
Snookums' jobs. The first week after he leaves, I always
have a hard time accepting that all the responsibility is
on me. I don't want to be alone. I didn't get married to
be alone. All I've got is my psychotic cat and my little
kids to keep me company (other than the times I'm with
Gen). None of them are Snookums. I enjoy everyone in my
life (that's why they're in my life), but he's got his
special place in my heart that no one can fill. That part
of me is empty right now, which is why I'm out of sorts
and feeling more melancholy than usual.
Zeus is sitting in my lap as I write this. He's purring
and sweeping his tail across my leg. He's really warm,
too. I can't help but appreciate his contact right now. I
don't usually give my cat much thought. He's just an every
day part of my life. I feed him, give him water, clean his
litter box and sleep with him every night, but at this
moment, I'm so glad I have him. Animals are the epitomy of
unconditional love. My children may grow up to hate me,
but my cat will always love me! Okay, I stopped writing
and showed my kitty some love. Now I'm ready to move on.
The girls and I went to the gym today, which was great. It
probably didn't counteract the pound of french fries I ate
when I got home, but it's a step in the right direction.
I'm not even going to get into how the weight loss thing
is going. BAD would be an understatement.
Since it doesn't look like I'm going to get up the desire
to clean, I guess I'll just go to bed. I hate my life. My
husband's gone, I'm stuck with two kids, I can't go
anywhere, because one of them is in school and I've got a
job. I have to clean and help with homework and act
normal, when all I want to do is crawl into my bed and
die. Why is life so unfair? Let me go ponder that while I
stroke my cat (my pet cat, not the other one) and watch
late night tv. Ciao.
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